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The Awkward Angle
The Awkward Angle
Circumnavigation of a mind in hibernation
leads to exploration of the whole
and causes one to ponder certain reasons why we wander
the universe of yonder for our soul
there is no rhyme or reason for the sentimental treason
that blossoms every season in the heart
nor does it really matter that our dreams are born to shatter
as all our secrets scatter far apart
conspiracy is guessing for the purpose of a blessing
when things are quite depressing all in all
and should we fail to mention that our egos crave attention
there would be more descension in our fall
our days are surely numbered by the weight of sin encumbered
when all our goodness slumbered in the pit
love was made for sharing much like bravery for daring
and we should all be caring where we fit
the essence of this ditty is that man is far too witty
and needs to show more pity for his brother
it isn’t rocket science that we all need more reliance
on harmonious compliance for each other
C. Lon R. Bruso
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Fri, 2015-02-06 01:40
very clever word usage lonnie
My only crit would be that in places, because the is are so many complex words, it seems somewhat contrived, and one is left marvelling at the usage and missing the context.
I really like the way you have used the rhyme
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Lonnie
Fri, 2015-02-06 01:52
Good eye, Judy
And you are exactly correct, it is somewhat contrived, as is our outlook on life, most of the time! LOLL!! Thanks for the read and the review!
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2015-02-06 07:59
Excellent,
Excellent read, gets better the more it's read. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Lonnie
Fri, 2015-02-06 11:04
Thanks Roscoe,
I appreciate the kind words and hope all is well with you and yours!
author comment