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EVE edit

Submitted by Geremia on Mon, 2015-01-26 10:38

EVE

A little blue sky
a little sunshine
some clouds strolling by
a day to be alive.

But Eve is gone.
Passed just yesterday
time to cry
time to pray
time to mourn a friend,

though pain seems to end
it lingers still
in the heart

a little blue sky
a little sunshine
some clouds strolling by
a day to be alive

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Mon, 2015-01-26 11:03

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This is intriguing in a way. The double meaning of the title gives the reader a food for thought.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Geremia

Mon, 2015-01-26 14:20

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Thanks, Rula.

joe

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alidzain

Mon, 2015-01-26 14:09

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good one.

Alid

Geremia

Mon, 2015-01-26 14:21

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I guess I hit the mark from time to time. Thank you, my friend.

joe

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lovedly

Mon, 2015-01-26 18:28

lovedly's picture

and always shall
we all are here to glow
only coz of you Joe

Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 10:29

Geremia's picture

You have a kind heart, dear friend,

jow

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lovedly

Tue, 2015-01-27 12:59

lovedly's picture

share and believe
twill lend more life
more air
than a simple hello
twill not do
so 4 folks like you i care
read my poetry

'half life

and then you will see
what i did once
when I was at sea
you now see

judyanne

Tue, 2015-01-27 04:48

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seems to me to be contradictory to itself
I would say more like
'Pain diminishes
to linger sweetly
in the heart'

- just the way I read it Joe

I love the imagery of the first stanza, and its repetition at the end
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 10:28

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Thanks, Judyann, I needed to rhyme END with FRIEND.

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judyanne

Tue, 2015-01-27 11:40

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Though pain may seem to end
Still it lingers sweetly
In the heart

just me of course Joe
But it seems to me that if pain ends, it doesn't linger...

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Geremia

Tue, 2015-01-27 13:45

Geremia's picture

ok Made a change. :)

joe

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