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Her Deepest Tremor
aroused at her core
molten pressure triggered
optimal pressure increases
steam escape velocity extreme
plate structure agitation
fissure motion
set to…-_
– - shift jarrr!!!!!
roll-symphonic jack hammers
jolt- /sway… not-rock-ab’a
rock a-city– -seismic s- — - hu - d
d-e - – er - -
Calm to discombobulate’/disor’der
re secure civil structure…
until she shakes again
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Seren
Sat, 2015-01-17 09:46
Wow David !! big smile
Phew, that was a quickie ! but it worked lol, I have to say it was a little too soon to finish I think it could have been drawn out a little more but that's just me being greedy again I suspect, Sorry but I have to run I have a plane to meet in a few hours and I need to get sorted to drive and pick them up, I will say very well done hun I did enjoy the read short though it was lol giggle
love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-01-17 19:00
I'm sorry,
but I had a little trouble seeing the poem in the odd language. It may just be me.
I often say that when a poem is being read it is not the poet who is being judged, but rather the reader.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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