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Muddled fairy tales "For Humour Workshop"

Little red Riding hood
She is as cross as ten snakes.
Some tool wielding dwarfs,
Dug up her Grans garden
Even broke the gate.

They gave a short story
They were looking for Diamonds.
She gave them an apple each.
That went straight to their heads
Put head to toe in her small bed.

She snuggled up in the big bed.
There falling to sleep.
Later she was awoken.
Standing there were three bears,
Complaining that it wasn’t fair
She was in the wrong story that was clear.

To hell with this she said.
Setting her big toothed Gran on them,
The three bears ran for shelter
Picking a small house made of straw
This a stupid mistake by them all.

Big toothed Gran blew it down,
So they ran to one made of sticks.
Wolfy Gran was up to her tricks
Gran she just blew it to pieces.
Off they went across a rickety bridge

Great Big Billy Goats house.
This one was made of bricks.
The big toothed Gran was about to blow.
When, a sweet white rabbit ran down a hole.
It had a pocket watch in its hand.
(Contradiction pocket watch ,hand??)

He was muttering about being late,
As Gran was hungry she gave chase,
Chasing him through the town
Upstairs and down stairs.
All this in her night gown.

I transgress I is in the wrong tale.
I is just a liddle lost Sheeps
Where are you Bo!

This one I wrote about 3 years ago about some nursery rhyme:-
There was a crooked man

Posted on March 3, 2012 by Yenti

There was a crooked man, he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse.
And they all lived together in a little crooked house:- Rewrite,

Hey man found this twisted dude
He told me a story how he staggered a mile
I just curled up and had to laugh
Then he cracked me up telling me

He found this shiny bent coin
Left on a twisted sort of style
I thought take a break man
Rest awhile this is just to much

Then listen this is where it runs away
He went to the Cat pound with the coin
All they would let him have for that
Was a broken cat with a twisted smile

It just gets better so hold on there
He told me it caught a mouse
This mouse he said so crooked it coiled
Here’s where he really cracked me up

He told me that they are living together
In a house that was so twisted
Its chimney touched the ground
I told the dude to go home and sober up.

Love you all..

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
No logic intended
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Great work with the first write

But lol .... the second one doesn't fit the workshop... :)

Both enjoyed just the same...

Lol i don't know what Chrys has in store for our next exercise, but if it is anything like this one it is bound to be interesting...

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Many thanks for your feedback, I know the second one only deals with one nursery rhyme, just put it there as a bonus lol
Just wonder what the second part of the workshop is going t be,
Take care out there, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I am having troubles logging in to this account so I will be as Sparrow from now on, Yours Ian xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I id read this sorry I thought I posted a comment here
both poems are a hoot
I like Red's poem better had a real good laugh

don't know why no one is responding could be the workshop is not what they thought it was going to be but there is still another week to go and I do have more planned
JudyAnne is going to pair ppl up tomorrow to write their own collaberated poem

should have humor and not contain fairytales but one person or two at the most

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Thanks for you review it kept my attention to this project lol.
I have given Raj some places to go for his write Asian fairy stories that I will have a read of.
I think that fairy stories to us mean more as they were a grounding for our imagination when we were children, also some were warnings when we didn't have books, such as ring a ring a roses.
Thanks again this will be a challenge on the second part.
Yours Ian xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

My account Ian.T is playing up and I can't get in under that name so I am now going to use Sparrow, an account I made earlier when having problems,
Take care, Yours as always Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Well done in my opinion. And the two poems Could be read as a single united by an aside.......stan. PS GREAT job getting so many characters in

The system has made it impossible for Ian.T to log in so I shall carry on as Sparrow,
Take care will sort out anything later,
Yours J Sparrow

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Love your imagination Ian - Big toothed gran! ha ha

Brilliant :) After reading all the various poems for the workshop my face has got a fixed grin. lol

Love Mand xxxxxx

That Sparrow has taken over my life for some reason and I can't get into Ian.T's account so keep an eye open or both eyes for me on site lol,
Yours Sparrow xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks for your short visit but that is better than absence eh??
Yours as always, Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I can't get in as Ian.T for some reason so will be writing as Sparrow from now on take care out there yours J Sparrow

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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