Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jack and Jill fairytale (humor in poem ws)
Jack and Jill walked up the hill to fetch a pail of water. It was days later before they were seen again. The three little pigs awaited their pails of water grunting and grunting watching the hills for Jack and Jill to fill their troughs with water.
A drought has the forest in its grip and the big bad wolf is too dehydrated to eat the three lethargic pigs sitting in front of their homes built with straw, wood, and brick. Mama, papa and baby bear left their home, porridge still on the table, in search of water. At the edge of the forest they found water. With all their mightiness mama, papa and baby bear ran like the wind to find it was just a mirage where the forest met the desert.
Little red riding hood, strolling through the forest, took her grandma some dinner. She meditated on where about the big bad wolf. She noticed she hadn't sensed him stalking in the underbrush or lurking behind tall trees. She walked fearlessly to grandma's house down the yellow brick road. A smart girl, she dug her well deep below the ground tapping into a strong flowing riverbed on the other side of the desert not realizing the three little pigs, the wolf and the three bears are dying from thirst.
A mile down the yellow brick road Humpty Dumpty falls from his wall laughing at Miss Muffet screaming, running away from Charlotte spinning her web up the water spout. Jack and Jill finally came down from the hill with a pail of water and a baby in her womb. They filled the three little pigs troughs with water and went their merry way. The big bad wolf, used his last wind and blew down two of the pig's houses then he blew pig number 1 straw house into strawnadoes and pig number 2 wood house into woodnadoes and drank up all their water. Pig number 3 ran safely into his brick house, started a warm fire in the chimney and drank the water from his trough.nihuu
Jack and Jill made their way to the three bears cave and filled their glasses with water. Nine months later Jack and Jill gave birth to a boy who married little red riding hood when he grew up.
Comments
Rula
Tue, 2015-01-13 03:28
hello Barbara
I see you have put much work on this but it, to me, reads more like prose with breaks rather than poetry. Perhaps that is intended? It also needs some attention re grammatical issues
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:33
Rula
Prose is intentional. Wasn't feeling poetry for this. Chrys did say prose and poetry is acceptable. I'll fix the errors. Thanks.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
judyanne
Tue, 2015-01-13 03:34
hahahaha
Naughty jack and jill -with a baby in her womb
Lol that was such a complete surprise and such a great line... really funny barbara...just what good humour is - the use of that element of surprise
As rula says, it does read as prose, but never mind, the humour is there
Well done
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:36
Judyanne
Prose was intentional. I wasn't feeling poetry for this. I'm glad I got the humor down. Was it dry though in the context of the storyline? Thanks
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Ian.T
Tue, 2015-01-13 09:20
Barbara
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water! Jill came down with half a crown and knew she shouldn't aughter.
Good write there Barbara but it will be great as a poem or free verse, I shall wait to see what you will do.
Yours as always Ian xx
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:39
Ian
Thanks I'm glad it worked. I not feeling poetry for this ws but I think I'll make it free verse if that makes it better.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
mand
Tue, 2015-01-13 11:11
Hi Barbara
Wow I love the detail and the twists and turns of surprise, Jack and Jill's son marries little red riding hood! ( she seems to be wise and intelligent - he's got himself a catch te he ) and the consequences of water becoming available to the big bad wolf poor piggy's!
Brilliant imagination - and very logical :)
Love Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:44
Mand
Lol I thought the twist and turns would make the humor more precise. Thanks.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
China Blue
Tue, 2015-01-13 12:17
Barbara
well done lol well done indeed
I think everyone has been paired up
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:46
Chrys
Thanks If not for you I would never had tried it. And the poems here gave me the imagination to write.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2015-01-13 12:20
LOL
very good Barbara. Made me laugh :) Lots of twists and surprises, I love the end.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 13:51
Carrie
Thanks glad the twists and turns gave you laughter.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 16:46
Hey
I revised it and corrected the grammar. I Hope it better than what you enjoyed already. Lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
alidzain
Wed, 2015-01-14 16:02
hi barbara
pale of water? is the misspelling of pail done on purpose?
Alid
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2015-01-17 23:51
Lol
No,
thanks for pointing that out.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-01-17 14:54
It is not funny.
Twisted surely, but I don't know that "get the joke". It is a dark, yet superior work. I like it very much.
And... "portage" needs to be "porridge" I think.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2015-01-18 00:34
Oh wesley
I guess my dry humor strikes again less than funny. Lol
I like twisted and dark. Glad you think it's superior. Dark is good I think in poetry. I'm glad you like it.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community