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Fairy Tale Mish Mash (Humor WS)

Little Bo Peep lost her sheep
When he fell down the rabbit hole.
Quickly she followed, landing in heap.
Squashing the caterpillar and a mole.

The sheep looked up and went back to smoking.
Bo Peep was in shock as Alice approached, waving her hand.
There's only room for one down here, she took a drag, nearly choking.
Then kicked Bo's ass back up the hole to Fairy Tale Land.

Little Red Riding Hood
Was moshing through the forest, music blasting away.
On her way to grandma's house, she was rocking out
When Bo Peep landed in her way.

What the hell are you doing, this isn't your gig!?
Red cried as she sidestepped Bo, nearly doing a jig.
Don't you know there's a wolf out here
Better go catch that sheep, if you don't want his meat sheared.

Screw you, Red it's been a rough day.
The sheep's gone to Wonderland
I have no one to hang with, no one to play.
I gave up on that bear-loving Goldilocks
Her air-head attitude I can't stand.

Their conversation was cut short
As the three little pigs ran by
Followed by the wolf, who while looking up Bo's skort
Skidded into a stop, landing face first into a tree .

Now I'm confused
The wolf scratched his head
Once he regained consciousness
Which story am I supposed to be in?

The three pigs, who had returned to the scene
Pointed at Red and said, "It's her you want, you old windbag. She tastes better than we."
Red looked at Bo Peep and then back at the pigs, rolling her eyes.
You have to be joking, look Wolf, talking bacon, so much better than me!

The Wolf was torn as he looked at his situation,
Two beautiful girls could be used for more than one occasion.
Go on, Pigs, get out of here. He finally decided, much to Red and Bo's dismay.
Now my precious ones, get ready to play.

Red and Bo looked at the wolf and than at each other with a grin.
They raised up their skirts to show off their combat boots,
Blasting Red's favorite music once again.
Circling the wolf, they tossed him about.
Moshing from side to side.

The girls bounced him off each other, swinging him into the trees.
And when they were done, the wolf could hardly stand.
The girls laughed as they stepped to his face.
Too bad, so sad, should have stuck with the pigs.

The wolf growled as he tried to regroup.
Some day you hooded witch, we will settle this.
Red and Bo laughed as he dragged himself off into the forest.
Good luck with that, they shouted as he left.
Pointing at themselves, they continued their rant
That is what you get, when you mess with a bitch.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

but not a prosodic value in sight! Take out the line breaks and it is prose, pure and simple. Something like this should surely rhyme and have a strong meter.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I didn't think it needed to rhyme but I can play with the words and see what I come up with.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I feel it would match and enhance the content.

It does need to be poetry though.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Value your opinion and critique. I am not totally satisfied with this either and will be working on it over the weekend when time allows.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

This needs the workshop title in the heading so we can find it easier.
I think I may write another of these they are fun.
This is good and we nearly wrote about all the same characters lol, I will wait for the comments on the others and mine first.
I read Jesses comment and as you can see edited it this morning before going to press lol.
Take care young one and well done,
Yours, Ian.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I will have to play with words and see how to edit it

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

It doesn't have to rhyme....

But Jess also has a point as your write has turned out more prose than poem...
It's hard to write poetry in story form
I think this is more what Jess means when he suggests to try rhyme....

i think if you work more on the rhythm and meter, giving it a form, then rhyme will become less necessary.

i enjoyed the mishmash
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Play around with the words today. It was written late at night as are most of my first drafts, when I can't sleep. It was fun to write. I love to twist fairy tales around.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

But i find rhyme doesn't work for me without good meter
And some of your verses (lines, that is) are still a little to long in comparison to others..

I wouldn't worry too much about it though - not sure where Chrys is heading with this, but I'm sure the poetry doesn't have to be perfect - i think the aim is to show humour in silliness

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

if I start overthinking it, then the whole thing becomes a mess. I will work with some of the lines as I am not 100% satisfied with this either. I am working on it as I have time during the day but will give it a closer look when my kids are in bed tonight and it is quiet. I think the idea is there and the mish mash is good, just need to polish up the language a bit. Perhaps it is time to visit the online dictionary as my vocabulary seems to be quite limited when I am trying to do poetry.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

no I said it did not have to rhyme I mainly was after the humor, and had stated so much
poor wolf lol nice work

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I had to laugh out loud because that Wolf is always such a bully. Bo Peep was having a rough day and well if you have read Black Riding Hood or Fairy Tale Slayer (some of my works) you know that Red Riding Hood is always in a mood. What better way to blow off some steam :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

i am probably the most notorious for writing prose instead of poetry around these parts, and there is no shame in it! i will say, however, that you are riding the line between the two here. my personal thought would be to stick to one or the other, but again, just my thought. i enjoyed the comedy here, and the story. nice write.

mag

Sorry I am late responding. This smart phone of mine didn't pick up on yours or Wesley comments. I am terrible at distinguishing between the two. I am a story writer more than a poet. I like to free verse and just vomit words on to a page. That doesn't go over too well here so when I get a chance to bend the rules legally, it's usually alot of fun. I am not a big fan of fairytale so twisting them is a good time. Thanks for the input.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Too much prose and not enough poesy.
Now the story is a hoot.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Good to hear from you. Was beginning to think you disappeared. This was alot of fun to write. I am not much for fairy tales as you know but Alice In Wonderland is a favorite tale of mine. always like twisting them around even if it isn't perfect poetry. Thanks for the critique.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

lol
which ever you prefer
it is the humor I was looking for
and so far I have not been disappointed

those that have posted already do what you feel comfortable with as far as which to use

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I tend to lean more toward prose and to be able to use my dark humor was just a bonus. My pieces tend to be controversial since they bend the rules frequently. Glad you enjoyed.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

This needs the heading to depict the place it should be, such as "the humour workshop"
I have found a gold mine at:-
http://www.fairytales.biz/list.html
Have a look and it's full of children's stories or the ones we loved when a child.
Take care and I hope you are resting, Yours Ian.xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Double to triple posts.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Just three things to say, Ha, Ha, Ha.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Ha

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Whether prose or poetry, I liked it. the humor is enjoyable to read. Mine may also get caught up in the prose or poetry controversey lol. I write more prose naturally as poetry is more challenging. These WSs is training me effectively. The moment I'm not thinking poetry, good grammar and spelling falls to the wayside): Your poem has given me an idea on how to write my fairytale(:

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I always fall on the prose side. Meter is the bane of my existence and if I over think it, the pieces fall apart. This was fun to write. Fairy tales are one of my favorites to twist.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Well I guess I'm beyond being fashionably late getting here. I can blame it on you Not having humor shop in your title though lol. I see you have already addressed most of the comments so I guess all that's left is to say that you brought a smile to my face on this cold winter day.....stan

Better late than never!!!! When I wrote this, I did it late at night and I totally forgot to put that this belongs in the WS. It has been a rough couple of months and this piece did my rather jagged, broken heart some good. It was nice to laugh out loud and to read others pieces and do the same. Thanks for the read! Next exercise I will be sure to put WS in the title.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

He he - you have an honest, open hearted sense of humour - made me laugh! it was good fun

Loved the imagery of this one:

Red and Bo looked at the wolf and than at each other with a grin.
They raised up their skirts to show off their combat boots,
Blasting Red's favorite music once again.
Circling the wolf, they tossed him about.
Moshing from side to side.

He he

Great poem - lifted my spirits

Love Mand xxxx

Glad you enjoyed. I love to twist fairy tales and anyone that knows me knows I am the one with the combat boots throwing someone around a mosh pit. This was great fun to write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

for posting on this thread when I have not joined the workshop.
It is fascinating. May I join now?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Oops -- doubled up

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I shall add you to the list
Would you like to join up with barbara for the second exercise?
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I would love to work with Barbara if she will have me and it is not too late.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I'll leave it to you to contact her
Chrys want you to collaborate on a humorous poem about 1 or 2 (no more than) fictional character (s)) -- not fairy-tale or comic book
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

This is a lot of fun. I cant wait to see what you come up with

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Looking forward

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Grade A for humor for this.Here's a try for me.

Rapunzel kicks out the prince
for pulling off her hair
snow white starts to wince
seeing a bald patch there
the gingerbread man laugh
Till his belly cracked
three billy goats smilled
enjoying a snack
Aladdin rubs his magic lamp
and his genie appear
return rapunzel her old glam
I want her as my lover
in the blink of an eye
the bald patch is gone
but poor alladdin
he has much to mourn
for she chose his genie
instead of him.

Alid

See, I think we are all much funnier than we realize. Even though we have different types of humor, this has been a lot of fun. Are you working in collaboration with anyone on the next exercise?

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I didn't even get to join the workshop because I'm still recovering for surgery so I don't know anything about the exercises in the workshop.

Alid

I just assumed you were in the WS :) I am sorry to hear you had surgery but am certainly glad you are recovering and hope you are doing well.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

This was done for the humor workshop that is about to wrap up. I am more of a dark poet but I do like to twist fairy tales around and such. I have been writing for a lot of years and tend to wind up more prose than poetry. Thank you for the read!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Thank you so much!!! Glad to see someone else appreciates dark art.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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