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Broken Doll
On my own shelf,
So far back no one can see,
The doll with the torn dress
And the ripped seams.
Who bothers with a broken toy
When prettier ones abound?
And the child who used me sits
Newer friends in the round.
If you open my dress,
A small dark stitch you will see,
Where once a little red heart
Beating fast used to be.
I was thrown down, unwanted,
And so I walked away,
Back to my gray shelf,
And sat down in the shade.
So now here I am,
Alone, watching them all.
But soon enough they'll know
What it is to be a broken doll.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Fri, 2014-12-26 19:18
Bella
A sad story of before times, we always have these memories from some time in our lives they come and go as the snow in Winter.
They teach us caution and how to give love out and many things.
Your write is really good but sounds as if I have read it some place, Have you posted this on any site before ????
I like it, so really it matters not, take care out there.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Bella Cicerona
Sat, 2014-12-27 09:27
Ian
I have entered it in a contest before, but this poem did not make it into the anthology. I don't believe I've let it out anywhere else though. Love has taught me much, but there is still so much more I do not know, and perhaps will never know. Perhaps it's better that way. Thank you for your encouragement--it means alot to me.
~Bella
The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.~G.K. Chesterton
author commentIan.T
Sat, 2014-12-27 13:17
Bella
Just enjoy all of the things that pass your way, it is a place of learning and to miss out on learning is a shame.
Look forward to your future writes have you joined Chrys's workshop yet on humour in poetry..
Yours Ian..
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Lenny of Cohen
Sun, 2014-12-28 23:19
Haunting!
Powerful imagery, wonderful writing.
_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent
Wei Wu Wei