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Chiaro-oscuro edit

Submitted by Geremia on Sat, 2014-12-27 08:49

CHIARO=OSCURO

The morning softly brings me to Day
and my Nighttime dreams begin to fade away..
In light's truth I see the years,have ravaged me..
On wings of fire I soon I will fly across a clear blue sky
and all my days of loneliness I will leave behind.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Bella Cicerona

Sat, 2014-12-27 09:22

Nicely done, Geremia! I like the rhyme, though it gets a bit messy towards the end (not sure if you intended that or not). The rhythm's also a bit bumpy, but I really LOVE the images you've chosen. The title fits very well, too. Keep writing!
~Bella

The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.~G.K. Chesterton

Geezer

Sat, 2014-12-27 15:00

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these sentiments. You leave beautiful images in my mind! Unlike some, I choose to believe that when from this world we pass, we will enter into the cosmos in some other form. I do not pretend to understand what will happen, only that something will. Have heart my friend, this is not the end! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geremia

Sun, 2014-12-28 08:54

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I made some changes based on your comment, Hope it reads better Thanks,

Joe

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Ian.T

Sat, 2014-12-27 19:28

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If you want to fly then you will fly, there in infinity is infinity itself.
There is no end to all living things that are a pattern of energy.
Energy cannot be destroyed it can be changed, changed into wings, and dreams, there you will with all things be at peace as all are energy in a variety of patterns, it just needs you to perceive what you will, and love, then eternity is yours.
Grand write thee Joe just reach out, I shall put the kettle on,
Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geremia

Sun, 2014-12-28 08:55

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I will be waiting for you

joe

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Ian.T

Mon, 2014-12-29 11:13

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As there is no time in such a beautiful place the kettle is already on, lol
Take care young poet and walk with those that love you and wait for you there,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Lenny of Cohen

Sun, 2014-12-28 23:12

Thoroughly enjoyed ! Let us all fly and see what we can't see.

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

Geremia

Mon, 2014-12-29 08:45

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Yes. We all will know soon enough, some of us sooner or later I can wait .Sometimes I think it's all one cosmic joke,

joe

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