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Small Stories

Submitted by brittle light on Wed, 2014-12-24 02:49

turquoise makes me laugh
isn't that odd!

I said that out loud once
someone said, "me, too"

I ran

...the end

I yelled, "look out!"
she turned to the window

idioms are hard for novice English speakers
but, it panned out
there was a fawn on the porch

she said the bump on her head didn't hurt too much

...the end

kids are funny

I asked the neighbor hood boys
not to play in the garden
they did anyway
I asked them to not litter
they did anyway

I finally figured it out

I said, "hey guys, don't shovel my driveway"
they said, "fuck you"

I thought that meant they would do it anyway

kids are funny

...the end

I asked her to be quiet

"oh!, no you didn't just say what I think you said"
she kind of growled

I quietly cowered instead

she could make the hundred years war seem like a cake walk
...only louder

that was the dumbest question I ever asked

...the end

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Ian.T

Wed, 2014-12-24 04:12

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Brilliant collection of small talk, this is basic English and as usual funny, could be the way I read the print in front of me and my eyes open.
Did you get your drive cleared, I do hope your car wasn't parked there lol
Yours Ian.
PS:- I asked the wife could you move please??.
She now lives in another town La La.
Have a great holiday..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

brittle light

Wed, 2014-12-24 11:18

brittle light's picture

thanks for nice words

I hate shoveling snow, but I live in what is called "the north country" in new york, just a few miles from the Canadian border, so I have to live with it ( the snow I mean, not the Canadians)
It eventually gets cleared.... I prepare for the storms, so I have no need to rush the shoveling.

good holidays to you and yours

Al

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weirdelf

Wed, 2014-12-24 04:53

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and poetry is, of course, the perfect medium.

I giggled at the first one. Wished you had played with the truth and made it a faun in the second, but that's just me. The third felt just a little bit flat, again reality intrudes. You are allowed to be a big fat liar, it's called poetic license [grins]. The fourth is perfect, hard reality and all.

Very much enjoyed this, would love to see more

Happy Solstice, mate.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

brittle light

Wed, 2014-12-24 09:46

brittle light's picture

if I had thought of it at the time, pan(ed) associated with faun, I definitely would have used it.
I only associated pan to the object hitting her head. Using faun would have been a double wammy .. whether anyone else picked up on it, or not. I would have been so pleased with myself, and insufferable to any one else for days.

thanks for the tips, and Solstice salutations to you.

Al

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weirdelf

Wed, 2014-12-24 12:28

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I wonder if anyone else connected to striking with a pan. I thought it was just a faint from surprise, with a slight subtext that part of the surprise was at your seemingly psychic revelation.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

brittle light

Wed, 2014-12-24 13:20

brittle light's picture

clearly, writing is hard
writing clearly is harderer.

I didn't expect anyone to get the pan reference. it was just in my head. but I thought you, knowing of "faun" were also thinking of "Pan" of the Greek myth, as well as the homonyms fawn and faun. Will we ever get to the bottom of all this!!!? HELP, were stuck in a vortex of references.

small stories need nano-precision, the end

Al

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weirdelf

Wed, 2014-12-24 14:26

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Revel in the chaos,
dance to the infinite
complexity of the universe.
People who live not at the edge
take up too much space.

If you had used faun in the first place I may well have made a connection to Pan

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rula

Wed, 2014-12-24 06:41

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the best. That doesn't say I don't like the rest, however.
PS. Was that a "question" in story 4 or a "command"?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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brittle light

Wed, 2014-12-24 09:30

brittle light's picture

the narrator didn't, and doesn't, demand or command...it was a normally voiced request in the form of a question. He had learned from the past that she could react irrationally, explosively at the drop of a hat...she is a psycho bitch to put it bluntly...he should have known better, and backed off as soon as he realized.

I too like the first story best...this form is something new to me, and I like it, but it needs maturing. Jess made some suggestions to help keep the stories "poetic" and interesting.
I want to do more of them, hopefully with the succinctness of the first story.

thank you for your thoughts

Al

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Geezer

Wed, 2014-12-24 17:34

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made me laugh. I really laughed at you thinking that the kids would shovel anyway!
Keep it up. I think I may try some of these myself. I like to think I am pretty funny and I will certainly get my wife's opinion before I post them. About them being funny, I mean; she already thinks I'm funny, but I'm not sure she means in my delivery or the things I write about. happy Holidays! ~ Gee

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brittle light

Fri, 2014-12-26 05:04

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I hope you do try some
they are fun to do
I think you'd be good at it

thanks for responding, I appreciate your thoughts and reactions

later,

Al

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