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The Right Word WS Good Hours

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Fri, 2014-12-05 00:10

I had for my winter evening walk
no one at all with whom to talk.
But I had the trees in a row
up to their shining leaves in snow.

And I thought I had the folk within,
I had the sound of a violin.
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound.
I went till there were no trees found.
I turned and repented, but coming back
I saw no window but that was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
disturbed the slumbering city street
like profanation, by your leave
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
"The Right Word"

Comments

Rula

Fri, 2014-12-05 16:04

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to the board dear Barbara.
You have far exceeded the word limits given.
I think it won't work for the boss... lol

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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scribbler

Fri, 2014-12-05 17:51

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Rula is correct about the extent of changes you have made. The first thing you need to do is decide what mood you wish to impart then track down the words Frost used which have emotive content. Not all the lines he has convey mood so you can likely leave them as is. Then delete words which convey mood which you don't want then insert your words where they will do the most good. Do not change more than 2 lines per stanza and try not to change more than 2-3 words in the lines you Do change...........stan PS I know you can do it

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2014-12-06 00:49

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Rula and Stan I shall make corrects

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Sat, 2014-12-06 00:49

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Rula and Stan I shall make corrects

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
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