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Affliction

poetic soul
his phrases form a melody
they control
me
surrounding my presence
with his essence
and plunging into deepest parts of my being
His eyes speaking without pronouncing
a word
He contrives schemes to make me love him
We are love birds
He is my love limb
I'm hanging on to him
and his every syllable
Our saliva creates a binding chemical
Recollections of his kisses
Continuous passionate pawing,
He is my Mr. and I am his Mrs.
the closeness of his face
his gentle, warm, but firm embrace
haunts my memories
and my tears will leave no trace
Lovers toxicity the side affect
Deep Seeded emotions
embedded in regret
fair well kisses were my whimsical potion
Love faded quickly without a notion
I fell hard and fast
should have known it wouldn't last
Recollecting the invisible
Love of our past
impressions of his touch
I yearned for it too hard and too much
His love is the prescription
for my fliction'

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet. Your love poem really mushy. Personally I'm mushed out and not feeling it, but I think you did a good job with it. The flow and rhytmn works. The intensity of love is strong and innocent.
Your title ''affliction'' works. Being in love causes affliction on the body especially when it's not reciprocated. But when love is mutual it certainly acts as perscription when lonely and feeling loveless. ''Fliction'' in the end don't work too well as it has no actual meaning, I do see where you're going with it though.
God writing. I hope to see more of your work.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Thank You for your left brained critique. Perhaps love is not something that you are acquainted with nevertheless I heard that above all of these love is the strongest. Whether love is reciprocated or not it is the fuel for sustaining life. When somethings is dead or dying love can nourish it back to health. A dying man for instance in a loveless relationship can be soothed back to life with the passionate heated kisses of his misses. I am happy that you sent this message I have lots of critics, When I write it is usually under the influence of emotions powerful but invisible forces that direct the course of the future. I'll leave you on this note, " Love is patient, Love is kind, Love forgives and keeps no record of wrongs, Love covers a multitude of sins." The next time you opt out of Love remember their are consequences and repercussions. That Love that you have turned down may just be the prescription for another woman's " Fliction. of loneliness, boredom, and unbridled passions.

author comment

Weird critique get weird responses. Thanks for your honest response as it help me see where you are. I haven't opt out of love. I share my love to many in the different ways I write my feelings or share encouragement to help others. I'm happy to understand and learn what direction your poem actually took. My "left brain critique" is a new one lol. I've been called backward and twisted. Left brain sound better. Lol.

Ps once you get to know me, you'll see I'm well acquainted with love.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

When I say left brained I mean that the left side of our brain controls the mathematical, logical portion of ourselves. The poem was incomplete at best and I have made a few revisions. The right side of our brain controls the emotional portion, the poetic portion of ourselves. It does not ask questions such as does he love me back, it only supplies the needed love, or emotion to continue. The left side of our brain says well he didn't call me back and therefore, I as a real woman cannot accept this fact therefore, he does not respect or love me, therefore it is over. The right side of our brain says well when he gets an opportunity he will call with a reasonable explanation and or I don't care that he didn't call, I'll be here naked and waiting for him to show up, whenever he gets ready.

author comment

Left brained is logical and egotistical. We want what we want when we want it and how we want it. As for right brained we just love whether we get our way with another or not. And the best way to live is love self first and foremost. Then giving unconditional love comes natural. The love of another should never define us. Just my perspective from your point more clearly expressed to me. Living left brained will create stress distress pain and disease in your body worrying about why he didn’t text you back lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

The reply to Barbara was a little sharp, I am sure that Barbara has felt and has given out love of many types and way during her walk on this plain, that you had a very good comment from her pen was something.
Many writers here welcome a write from Barbara, one thing I will say is that when you get to know some of the writers here your assessment of Barbara will change.
Writing about love is to many old hat, yet it goes on.
This as your first piece streamed on Neo is a normal write, now we will progress and hopefully take some of that sharp tongued words to really express yourself in great pieces of writing.
I look forward to more of your writes here,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

:',)

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

The poem is about love, clearly. It was unfinished to say the least. A rough draft. However, one woman cannot determine or tell another woman that love is one sided. Men love whom they choose. You cannot make anyone love you. Loyalty and Love are two very different categories. For example, a man may love his mistress, but be loyal to his wife and family. And love from any person is not limited to one individual. I have had many loves. This poem sought to express love from the speakers point of view. She is saying that she fell hard and fast and without warning was intoxicated by the love of her man. That's all. It is emphasizing the natural emotional occurrence of love and its attributes. She is sick of being alone, sick of not having the emotional support that she needs, his love is the prescription for her ailing love life. She needs comfort and to feel fulfilled with a partner.

author comment

Both of them were nicer than I would have been with this piece. Make sure you are here to be a better poet and accept that which others have to offer with grace or fear the wrath of the elf

Scott

:)

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Hi Scott,
It's a poetry forum.

author comment

:)

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I believe this is my first visit into your poetic domain. True to its title "Affliction" the poem emotes in random motion giving a notion of no holds barred recount of experiences during a relationship...will make me keep a tab on your other posts as they get streamed..
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raj (sublime_ocean)

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