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She .... she came for a moment

Submitted by loved on Sat, 2014-04-19 10:39

She ....
she came for a moment
a fleeting one
just to give me energy
Divine
she was drunk by my eyes
and like wine dissolved
into the universe
in a momentous moment

gave me the fruits of joy
men need most
of an intent
to creativity
a beautiful content
then in the eyes of god
she merged after that
monumentous moment...

devoid of all love and emotion
she did vanish
why did she have to come
a truthful heart
a soul banish

heaven alone knows
why so!
lovely poet she was
twas..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Tue, 2014-04-22 04:34

Ian.T's picture
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The theme is grand and can be made a little better but as it is you have written a good piece again.
Just read through it and edit a little to make this excel, I think the last word is obsolete.
Good write young Bard, take care,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lovedly

Fri, 2014-11-28 13:24

lovedly's picture

just upgrading less than two comments

so old
a lovely poem unread
heaven has now me
loved sent

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