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Reflection
Myriads of furious lightning bolts freely marry
Lovely waters of the storming sea,
The wedding and desire of waves and fire
A union far less fleeting
Than that of you and me
And that burden shall I carry.
Hellish hoarfrost hovers on heart and window
I wait patiently for you at the sill,
Enthusiastic and bent on your advent
When you were to come over the hill
While I watched for spring as well
Even if I only saw the snow.
But frost does melt and streams are quick’ning
And at the close of each day
I softly sigh and gently cry,
You’re not on your way,
Because you could no longer stay.
Oh, winter in my heart! and outside spring.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2014-11-27 04:14
Bella
Stan (Scribbler) will love to have you aboard his walks through the land, though maybe you will have to drive him there.
Grand opening piece from you and I hope that we see many more of these, there are a few workshops open to poets at the moment have a look to see if there is anything that appeals to you,
Texas must have a wind some place ???
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Bella Cicerona
Thu, 2014-11-27 12:03
Ian
Thank you, sir, for your words of encouragement. I am elated to be a part of this community. I hope that I can grow as a poet and fulfill my duty as a writer: to bring Truth, Beauty and Goodness to others. I want others to know that there are people out there who know just how they feel and to give them words to express those feelings.
The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.~G.K. Chesterton
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2014-11-27 12:19
Bravo.
A wonderful first posting.
The language use is a mix of modern and "classical" terms. I loved it.
If I have any suggestion to make it would be to reconsider capitalizing each line. Personally I think it is an old fad that doesn't make sense, but that is for the poet to decide.
Being a meter freak, it is gratifying to read a consistent meter in verso libre.
An excellent poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2014-11-30 04:42
Got to agree,
Got to agree with Wesley, this is really good. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
raj
Sun, 2014-11-30 05:24
Welcome to Neopoet Bella
What a grand start to your debut here at Neopoet. Your prowess is pretty evident from this post which means you are very adept at poetry. There is certainly a lot to loo forward to your in the form of your future posts here. Others have already given such positive comments to your poem. I wish to add that I liked the transitions from one stanza to another ....craving-dissapointment-hope..the title too is spot on..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Bella Cicerona
Sun, 2014-11-30 20:19
Thanks
Thank you all for your encouragement, and thank you for your criticism. I look forward to reading your poems and learning from the masters.
The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.~G.K. Chesterton
author commentEsker
Mon, 2015-01-05 02:43
belief
last line i gretly recieve
many live in a snow globe
love frozen,,, storm
impassable passion...
got drpped picked up so often
an old hand now...some return but
not for my attention...like your other
work broken we are...and mended
nothing like getting ripped off for love..
sentimental and practical...
Thank You!