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THE PIPER
Come follow me! Come follow me!
I'll be sure to not leave you behind
for I myself walk haltingly.
Time, to me, has been unkind.
Let me reveal what most don't see
in the bustle of their life,
the large as well as the tiny
which both can mitigate life's strife.
There are many things in forest's deep
which are living metaphors
which insinuate like a small seep
once we exit our mundane doors.
Sometimes I'll lead you to the past
reminding us of long lost youth
as we remember loved ones passed
and confront mortality's grim truth.
So follow me, come follow me,
don't be like ones who have declined.
Come and set your conscience free
on a journey taken in your mind.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Wed, 2014-11-12 16:27
Woohoo!
I'm hobbling along right behind you and listen! Did you do this just to mindfuck me or did you really strive to make the meter near perfect?
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/the-piper-by-scribbler
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Wed, 2014-11-12 16:53
ps
did I mention that "woohoo!" is one of my highest compliments? It was a favourite of my best friend Jason who died recently, usually yelled before taking off on a suicidally steep ski slope or enormous wave. His other favourite was "maintain the rage!" which had a double meaning, either rage as a term for party or rage as a political term against corrupt conservatives (famously uttered by the also recently deceased Gough Whitlam when his government was sacked by a drunken, conservative, corrupt Governor General).
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Wed, 2014-11-12 20:33
I
recall your mourning his passage which lends the use of his word an extra meaning. Thank you.........PS I was on the verge of deleting this due to it having been here so long and gathered no comment
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2014-11-12 20:29
lol
I Did work on this one a while until it sounded right to my ear. But I know I have a tendency to apply stresses where I want them instead of where they naturally occur. Thus I'm seldom a good judge of my own work. I'm glad to have given you a pleasant surprise for a change lol.........stan
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