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Here and Now (limerick)

The majority here need a loan
to obtain an American home
where the pace is fast
the credit can't last
and nothing is ever quite owned.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

thing that person might truly own is his mind. I see that you still have yours! Nice little ditty! ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Thanks man, my mind isn't completely gone, like my wife says (lol).

author comment

Good theme relevant in the present context of economics. However, I think you may have to tweak the word "owned" which needs to match with loan & home. However, wait for the experts to comment, which I am not..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks, economic conditions are indeed of relevance to
everyone, really everywhere but I was focused on the credit
crunch style Americans seem doomed to struggle with.

The rhymes are not meant to be exact, I'm not sure if
that disqualifies the limerick style either but the "loose"
rhyme (for me anyway) did qualify musically.

I didn't enter the current workshop but maybe Jess will
drop in and let me know. I did write the poem because of
the workshop, inspiration, it comes in many forms.

thanks for commenting and questioning the rhyme scheme.

Richard

author comment

I dare say my dear moon man sire
I do agree with Raj the poet entire
but you are my mentor
I can't be a commentor
else my ass will be on a raging fire

I'd never set your toes on fire
or your ass,

thanks lovedly

author comment

thanks dear mentor for sparing me
how very kind tis really of thee
poetry now comes too
this old loved, but true
once everyone gave up except ye

but oh my . . . I feel owned

Well now, that's another poem and it
is true as well.

Thanks, good to meet you.

Richard

author comment

Its a limerick, man, and a good one.
True as well as serious.
Good stuff.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

A great piece of truth in this stupid controlled world, of course I own my own home unless they want to put a compulsory purchase order on it, then you will realise nothing in this world belongs to anyone.
even your shit don't belong to you just see the fuss if you leave it laying around lol,
Yours J Sparrow and Ian, but don't tell I used a four letter word

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

A very good example of the way a limerick can still sound good sans perfect rhyme. And that last line is painful in its truth. Even if the mortgage is finally paid off the home isn't yours. The property taxes just go on and on and if not paid the county becomes the new owner.......stan

pity you didn't enter it in the workshop, almost everyone can relate to the desire to own a home or at least have home security.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I love this limerick and though you wrote it a couple years ago, it still holds true! This isn't the easiest form of poetry to master, at least for me, but you nailed it! As for the last line, well I find myself in the opposite predicament....I somehow now own 2 homes, and not because I'm loaded....more like foolish enough to allow myself to believe, along with the encouragement of others, that this house I'm in would sell fairly easily, and wanting to downsize, found what I thought to be the perfect little ranch. Well, this house did not sell easily, it's taken 3 yrs., and the perfect little ranch, turned into the not so perfect little ranch even though the inspectors gave it a thumbs up. So, that house once done, will for the most part be brand new, foundation to and including the roof. And this house which was supposedly sold about 2 months ago, may not be. It's thanks to a ridiculously low appraisal the buyer needs for their financing! Both agents involved and the buyer agreed the appraisal made no sense so now we're waiting on results for a new appraisal. Long story short, if the deal falls through, I shall be renting out the new house once it's done, it'll be the easier one to rent out, and starting all over with this one on the market!
Sorry I guess you gave me the perfect venue to vent! BUT, thanks for making me laugh with your well written limerick!

Best wishes,

valene

Sounds like a nightmare. Can't hardly live
these days without feeling the credit crunch,
sorta goes with the territory.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Richard

author comment

My agent said with all that I've been going through, cos the buyers have been shall we say a bit sneaky(and that's putting way to nice) from the beginning that I could make a reality show called 'Sellers Beware!' ....LOL!!!!

valene

oh, aye!
Especially the most outspoken conservatives fail to teach anything but their own lack of humanity.

.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Me thinks you and I are in agreement here....'tis sad to say how true your words ring!

best wishes,

valene

old boys looked after loans
you didnt pay...U did pay
knee caps....burnt out car
incentives unlike the modern
banks who just take your
home anyway...

this new modern poverty
and that strange make it world
is so vast from a mere
hundred twenty years ago

old days Owned meant
Pass it on to the kids..
but now its equity..
which like the railroad
towns of the mid eighteen
hundreds and mining towns
swifty moves like a sunbeam
on a cloudy day..

parents busted their ass
dad worked forty one years
on the railroad and had like
two legit sick days...
Mom same deal with her
many jobs....Both bought
second hand cars...both
moved their equity upwards
towards valuable investments
both kept their focus...
and when they passed owned
properties worth triple the
initial investment!

that was them..
I live in a well run motel
I got forty dollars left
over from paying bills
this month....but I will
survive!

in the depression of
the thirties worldwide
many not so lucky
starved..in socialistic
dictatorships unless
the right party member
got shipped off..lost
everything.
Join or perish...
but survival of the
fittest..

I have a lineage connected
to the States.....I have
no criminal record and
with the right papers being
Native Canadian can move
freely to the states..

many are happy just renting
weighed in with taxation
insurance...depreciation
if You dont upgrade the
investment....economic
downturn or upturn..
example...the mills pull
out...the army..navy...
air force shuts down
the base..the highway
by passes the communities
etc...all play a factor
in the idea of home..
But ownership is a security
U can adapt the home
more..no one can give
you two months notice
to vacate....
and Land upon which
your house sits that
U can call your own
is the ultimate american
dream....
I still believe in America
and Canada
and many do also...
there is still oppurtunity
here!

A good poem Richard
that is still relevant..

Thank U!

Mr Wolf
(former homeowner and
landlord to three income
properties with partners)

Thank you for commenting and the
quick witty little ditty ... very cool.

loan, home and owned; it is called
assonant rhyme or near rhyme but
I must admit that I was doing it long
before I knew there was a name for
it. I'm definitely not traditional, I can
be but it's not me. I usually go for the
music of the written word, even when
attempting to rhyme.

Thank you for questioning my work,
it is what Neopoet is all about.

Richard

author comment

Fun and clever and true.

Truth isn't always pretty but
sometimes it's fun to write about.

thank you,
Richard

author comment
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