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The whispers of the end

Sometimes it feels-
All I do,
Is paint over the scars.
In silence I conceal,
What's real,
And who we are.
So, Here's to the wounds-
That won't heal,
As I steal-
Words that'll be my last.
From the grave of my dreams,
That I've seen-
Behind an ashen'd mask.
Walking through the walls,
Entrapped in my own-
As age burns my all,
With a shadow that time casts.
Gone by morrow,
Lest it all turns to dust-
Yesterdays meld in a heart.
Left then and hollow,
A spark fades and combusts-
Whence years fall apart.
As ash kiss the air-
It's everywhere,
Like a drifting boat-
With no mast.
Standing on the edge,
Of what I see,
Of what is-
Miles ahead and in past.
Reflections of what was,
When I was found,
And how I got lost.
Made and left to rot,
In the glory I did bask.
Leaves become old,
Gone are the memories-
They behold,
All that is left is a bark.
Oblivion of a name,
Nothing will ever remain,
But everything leaves a mark.
As the hour slips away,
A question remains-
I never remembered to ask.
And then I realize,
As I close my eyes-
I was never meant to last.

Editing stage: 

Comments

I can't help but feel it would benefit from some stanza breaks. I suggested a few however yours would no doubt be different. It's you poem, ,just some suggestions.

Sometimes it feels-
All I do,
Is paint over the scars.
In silence I conceal,
What's real,
And who we are.

So, Here's to the wounds-
That won't heal,
As I steal-
Words that'll be my last.
From the grave of my dreams,
That I've seen-
Behind an ashen'd mask.

Walking through the walls,
Entrapped in my own-
As age burns my all,
With a shadow that time casts.
Gone by morrow,
Lest it all turns to dust-
Yesterdays meld in a heart.
Left then and hollow,

A spark fades and combusts-
Whence years fall apart.
As ash kiss the air-
It's everywhere,
Like a drifting boat-
With no mast.
Standing on the edge,
Of what I see,
Of what is-

Miles ahead and in past.
Reflections of what was,
When I was found,
And how I got lost.
Made and left to rot,
In the glory I did bask.

Leaves become old,
Gone are the memories-
They behold,
All that is left is a bark.
Oblivion of a name,
Nothing will ever remain,

But everything leaves a mark.
As the hour slips away,
A question remains-
I never remembered to ask.
And then I realize,
As I close my eyes-
I was never meant to last.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you for your critique, I like the idea of stanzas too but in my mind it was a whole piece, I can't explain it but I wanted it to be in one rhythm and flow for the entire write.

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment

Sometimes a poem must go from go to whoa without interruption and I now see your point in this.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Within hours of joining Neopoet you have given an insight into your poetic skills & creativity. Welcome to this community where we learn, critique and improvise.There is plenty to look forward to while you post more of your poems. I found the suggestion of Jess above very good. Of course it's up to you.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I'm looking forward to an amazing experience here, thanks again!

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment

Oblivion..may be oblivious... would be a wee bit ....

I came to Neopoet three and a half years ago as Loved
as of poetry not much did I know
I was the sole
FREE style poet here
now they are so many more

I haven't the acumen
of welcoming such a noble poet
whose poetry has been
instantly commended by our
Founder
the one and only Jjess
It's an honour he has embraced you this instant.

A bit of my suggestion
if you permit...
Epic ... I call epicureal poetry
is liked by WSnowman and Ian mostly
But many would love to see
one between lines 15 to twenty
you may gradually see

But I can see poetry flows from you
as water does from Niagara
I know
you would love to compose
many more like this one
and lines fewer too

My love and regards to you
I may be permitted
by Stan our leading man
to Welcome you ..

Happy innings
My dear friend to you

Thank you all, I am truly honoured to be here. Will keep your suggestions in mind and try to grow as a poet.

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment

this to all won't do
you will have to address each one
else those who read you
will melt like ice
it's cold up North here
unlike India

I'm not good with critique buy I'll try my best....and also I'm from the cold part of India. :)

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment

A welcome to you has been written and I concur, your writes will become an asset to our site.
We have many new poets here now , it would be good to hear from you as to the things you need to learn.
Your imagination is great and word use is top line, Jess mentioned form where to have breaks would help.
Always remember it is other that read your writing and they don't think as you do.
I look forward to more of your work and Ideas as to what you would like to see here, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

It is very kind of you to review my poem, I'll keep you suggestions in mind and hopefully will better myself with each attempt.

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment

If you read your work from start to end, you will find that there is the odd word that makes the reader stop.
This is where either a natural break can come in or a word change.
I think that one of the hardest writes is one that you can read straight through.
Esker is very good at this but in his works sometimes the odd word crops up and stops the flow.
Just keep a look out for this.
Take care Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm Wesley Snow, the second strangest poet on the site.
Since a great deal has been said about nature and intensity I will not, but rather focus on what you might think queer in a critique.
This is one of my pet peeves (I have many) and I'm the one always pointing out typographical errors in spelling and grammar, so what I say next has weight:

You proofread your poem.
It was a beautiful thing. I read straight through without a single stumble in spelling. The grammar is rough, but designed as such. Harsh and a little unforgiving: follow or be left behind.
It is an altogether excellent piece of art.
I hope you'll grace us with another.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I have a thing for the strange, I'll go through your work now. Truly humbled by your comment and will keep all of your beautiful suggestions in mind and try to grow as a poet by reading others and in process grow myself as a poet.

.
.
[ never fall in love with your imagination,
A face that isn't real.
A seed of your desires and dreams,
A seed that'll never be a tree. ]

author comment
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