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mine thou art.... art thou not final edit by Ian

Yeah! Thou hast the heart of a reindeer
taking part, ere the lioness ensures that it does depart
With his better part and upon the paws does surrender
To be eaten by the lion as tender

Then you will enlighten the world
with soft skin so tender
Then all will stand asunder where art thou
Who hath made the blunder to unveil thee all over

I still wonder, who art thou in the doldrums of time
a gold mine or a glass of wine
a divine integration of the flowing river Rhine
but for everlasting time

I will hope you are forever mine
and then will I ensure
as you in glamour shine
and all will acclaim you as only mine!

2.
Yeah! Thou hast the heart of a reindeer
taking part, ere the lioness ensures that it does depart
With his better part and upon the paws does surrender
To be eaten by the lion as tender

Then you will enlighten the world
with soft skin so tender
Then all will stand asunder where art thou
Who hath made the blunder to unveil thee all over

I still wonder, who art thou in the doldrums of time
a gold mine or a glass of wine
a divine integration of the flowing river Rhine
but for everlasting time

I will hope you are forever mine
and then will I ensure
as you in glamour shine
and all will acclaim you as only mine!

first post
Yeah! Thou hast the heart of a reindeer... taking part ...ere the lioness ensures that it does depart... with his better part and upon the paws does surrender... to be eaten by the lion as tender... then you will enlighten the world ...with soft skin so tender .. Then all will stand asunder... where art thou... who hath made the blunder... to unveil thee all over... I still wonder... who art thou in the doldrums of time ...a gold mine or a glass of wine ...a divine integration of the flowing river Rhine... but for everlasting time... I will hope you are forever mine ...and then will I ensure ...as you in glamour shine ...and all will acclaim you as only mine!

3. A great poet on yahoo ....once advised me a couple of years ago t...o first write like I did Post 1... Then edit it post 2 .As did Ian ..
I forgot to do it
and so jess had a pick at me
At least he smiled with me
not at me ,hopefully

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

why?
because it is rambling crap.
No offence, it is the machine gun effect, when you write as profusely as you do, some hit, some miss.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

crap
will go 4 a wrap

author comment

this is no crtique ------------------ down right usual condemnation...------- i am now used to Jess
and also irrelevant a comment

crap can only be revealed
when a poetry is unsealed

one month or two
matters only to u
sad but tis true
with u
now i don't want to argue
i know you!
don't you too!

author comment

As Jess says this is not up to your standard by any means, just read it again here and then see what we need to make it sing of poetry:-

Yeah! Thou hast the heart of a reindeer
taking part, ere the lioness ensures that it does depart
With his better part and upon the paws does surrender
To be eaten by the lion as tender

Then you will enlighten the world
with soft skin so tender
Then all will stand asunder where art thou
Who hath made the blunder to unveil thee all over

I still wonder, who art thou in the doldrums of time
a gold mine or a glass of wine
a divine integration of the flowing river Rhine
but for everlasting time

I will hope you are forever mine
and then will I ensure
as you in glamour shine
and all will acclaim you as only mine!

Take care young Bard your title is slipping LOL,
Yours, Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

the lost poetry
i just posted OF A CANCER ONE
U Did not read it
i was about to remove this
till you rewrote it
so please post it as your own
i will then unpublish this
crappy bit
god bless jess for it

author comment

The words used are yours and the piece is yours it just needs a careful read and a few edits.
So please sort this one out as is, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

you deserve better.
I think Ian has done a fine job.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

as soon as u do
i will unpublish this trash
i wish to
so do all of u

author comment

I don't think I changed a word it was just the layout.
Come on you must have a few minutes to do some editing lol.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

do read about the cancer one
and then u will know
shall relook too
thanks frnd Ian

author comment

Unless it is offensive, it is part of your poetry as is. This is important. What we write is who we are no matter how jumbled or straight. Everything in between is poetry also. We should be making attempts to write in each other's styles so that we might experience them. I know I cannot. I have tried with only a modicum of success. We are all poets writing what moves us.
Respect that and learn. Every living thing has something to teach whether we will learn it or not..

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

for holding my hand
and having given me an opportunity
to participate in an epicurial excercise
your style

hope I did justice to it and you have not been let down by me kind sir.. WS

author comment

They saw me as cold silver, not hot enough to heat then in the cauldron of flames hotter than sun did they heat and out of minced meat they crated a genius the credit goes to them for casting silver, tomorrows gold in a frame where we will be held till we are old then archived then nature will submerge then years hence beyond imagination of a passing phase of time some one will unearth the frame paled cleaned then polished and some day one day they will all say a poet Loved passed this way But as on the threshold of time along a cliff I stand awaiting a breeze stronger than my knees till then will poets withstand a poetic hand and within the blink of an eye we all will be blown into the tunnel Loved still calls Time but time has not yet come but twill till then lets all remain sublime

author comment

That's frippin' poetry hiding in a prose paragraph. Break it so we can feel the rhythm and you have written a marvelous work.
Hell I will if someone else won't. It reeks of where it should break. The poetry takes care of itself.
Do it. Break it into line breaks so we can read the poem in a poem form.
Please
The Poet Stands deserves it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

this was stage one
I have already poemised it composed
with all my mind's harness
just now

as you only know
thanks to Neopoets
upon my brow
sweat turns up
as my pulse revs
and heart spurts
all the rest is the best

when you tread upon my( breast)/CHEST
and lay your head and say
this is poetry
and let
JESS say
tis crap!

author comment

Ian jess snow have commented

author comment
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