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Hitler's Unfinished Rape

That Living Drag….

I’m picking up paper words that rhyme,
dreaming of a better place in time.
Thinking someday everyone should
just chill.
No one says these words are good,
let alone read or understood,
But I know who has the strongest
will.

Because these words they come to me,
from windows in a mind I see.
Constantly they race and fool
around.
Strange your thinking how can we,
let our hearts and minds open up to be.
A place where lyrics like to sound
profound

I believe it’s because we really care,
when seeing peoples lives out there.
Fighting what I named the living
drag.
The drag is what holds on to you,
an anchor that never quite makes it through
Our sea of life just sloshing in a plastic
bag.
Living and shopping in Chelsea,
does not necessarily.
Suggest that you and your kind are
exempt.
See I didn’t make those bloody ground rules,
they were made by high brow fools.
Those bastards i view with a zealotry
contempt

The rules I’m talking about are skewed,
meaning there’s no simple interlude.
Life goes on and on hard on their red tape.
The poorest on the planet don’t get a break,
While greedy rich politicos are on the take.
If I was clever I’d say it’s Hitler’s unfinished rape.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
There are still millions of our people dying needlessly because of the wealthy's greed...
Editing stage: 

Comments

It reads as though being read to you. Depressing as hell, but obviously that was the point.
You are clever.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Thank you Wesley, glad you enjoyed. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

There is some unevenness in the meter but that is mostly well anchored by those enjambed single word lines.

Really well segued from the introspection of the opening, through the existential aspects of the middle to the political/philosophical end.

Strange your thinking how can we, [should that be you're? Perhaps with a comma before it.]

Couldn't resist doing a reading. Hope I haven't abused it too badly.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/hitlers-unfinished-rape

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you Jess, i will listen to your reading when i have more time. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

You had me at the title. Have to disagree with Jess though, I think the meter does need work as the stumbles kept the rhyme for ringing consistent.

Scott

Glad you got hooked, i will certainly have a look at what i can do with the meter. Thank you for your time. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I like some of what you've done gemma, but i'm looking more to compromise. Some of what i've written was for effect, but i can see where others might not like this. I will certainly work on this, and will post as soon as. Thank you, Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

but this is an exemplary rewrite.

One of my favorite musical pieces is "Brahms variations on a theme by Haydn". No where in the piece is the original theme missing and indeed it informs the entire work. However, the embellishments and rearrangements make for an utterly different and beautiful piece of music.

The chief difference I noticed was a more judicious use of the line break. Not fearful of having one, two or three word lines gave the poem an opportunity to accentuate certain things.
The enjambment was also cleanly used except in a couple of spots where it was forced to change its meter.
Both poems are excellent, but I applaud Gem's efforts.

I invite you to do that my poetry any time.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you again Wes for your time, i will certainly work on this as i explained to gemma. I really do appreciate your comments. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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