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Dream of a droplet
I dream to be
a tiny drop in the Sea,
only then would I
fathom the depths of its emotions,
feel its turmoil
pulsating in tides,
as they ebb and flow
in relentless toil.
Yes, I crave to be
that tiny drop in the sea,
swirling in the salts
a million rivers bleed,
seeking salvation
beneath the awning
of celestial skies, cleansing
in His divine light.
Oh! I pray to live
a dream of that drop in Sea,
to be a drop of rain
to quench the thirst of a seed
whose fate hangs
between life and death.
Only then shall I
be appeased…
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2014-09-27 11:52
Hello Raj
wonderful meanings conveyed through out your lines.
The last stanza gave me an idea. What do you think if you let each stanza expresses a wish to be a drop for example an ocean, a sea and a river. As I see the last stanza has no consistant logic as you started with a drop in the sea then a drop of rain.
However, that was only a suggestion. As I said, I really loved the concept behind this and how you have crafted it.
Thanks for sharing this.
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raj
Sun, 2014-09-28 01:53
Hello Rula
This poem I had written for World Environment Day. I had forgotten about it till I recently saw that a dear friend, who is a woman of great virtues, has published it on her website. Since I noticed that I had not published it here, thought of doing so.
I always appreciate your comments, especially when you find time to visit at a time when a lot of your time is being devoted to the ongoing workshop being jointly hosted by Wesley & you.
As for your comment about inconsistency noticed in the concluding verse, I wish to bring to your notice that, what was meant was "the drop in the sea evaporates to take a form of rain drop before descending back on earth to quench the thirst of a seed" ...having said that do you think there is no break in consistency or do you feel it still lacks it. Would welcome your critic on that.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2014-09-28 03:14
hello again raj
Of course after your clarification, it makes much sense.I am sorry I have missed this at my first read.
I thought maybe another title will do the job of showing your intent. Maybe something like "A dream of a rain drop"?
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing.
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raj
Sun, 2014-09-28 03:20
Hello again Rula
Thanks for the suggestion about title. Sounds better. Accepted and implemented with a tiny change :).
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Sun, 2014-09-28 03:24
VERY FINE!!
Indeed.
I'm happy you found my suggestion of some use. :)
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raj
Sun, 2014-09-28 03:28
Thanks again Rula for your
Thanks again Rula for your time and intervention.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
emeka ozurumba
Mon, 2014-09-29 06:19
perfect no abrasions
very beautiful poem raj
raj
Mon, 2014-09-29 12:31
Thank you Emeka for stopping
Thank you Emeka for stopping by. Nice to know you liked it.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
China Blue
Mon, 2014-09-29 13:48
Raj
Hi there
one very tiny tweak
fathom depths) it is fine but what if you added "the" fathom the depths or not lol
interesting use of a droplet of water very interesting
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
raj
Mon, 2014-09-29 14:05
Chrys
Thank you for your time to visit this page. Your suggestion is spot on and already implemented. You have eyes like a hawk to spot the error lol. Good to know you found this interesting.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Mon, 2014-09-29 20:38
raj as always i swim upstream and so I shall again don't scream
you should be '''apart'' from a drop of water
as you want to have an experience
being just a drop in the ocean
you will merge unknown of any existence
all said and done
you should be a drop of something
which does not dissolve in the water
to fathom the experience
which you so eagerly are wanting
say a drop of mercury
to see the depths of the fathomless sea/ocean may it be
hope I'm not off the sea totally....
if so it may be only me
give me an opportunity to flee..
will ye?
raj
Tue, 2014-09-30 00:25
lovedly
Appreciate your read and comment. Thanks for stopping by..
Regards,.
raj (sublime_ocean)