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The Terrible Consequences of Sin Play Dramatic Verse WS

The Terrible Consequences of Sin Play Dramatic Verse WS

My Play from Scratch

Play dramatic Verse The Terrible Consequences of Sin
Characters—Adam, Eve/Woman, Voice of God, Angel with him, Cherub,

Archangel—in the Garden of Eden

In the garden of Eden
Adam and Eve had it all
a paradise home, no lease
countless fruit trees to feast
animals they subdued
short, tall, big and small.

Now the serpent
more cautious than all the animals
approached the woman in
a private conversation.

Serpent—did you notice the tree
in the middle of the garden?

Woman—yes, God said we should not eat
from it otherwise we die.

Serpent—you will not die
for God knows if you eat
you will become like him.

Archangel—the woman was thoroughly deceived, thus she ate.

Adam—woman, this thing you are doing
is disobedience to our God
all the fruits in the garden
he gave us to eat, but
the fruit in the middle of the garden
he had said no or we will die.

Woman—the serpent said we would not die
for God knows if we eat our eyes will be opened
we'll be like Him knowing good and bad
take a bite it is really good.

Archangel—saddened by the woman's actions Adam talks silently to himself
Adam—the woman God gave me has eaten
the fruit God forbade, she will surely die
If I eat with her, we will both die
our unborn children, they too will die.

hmmmm, the tree of life in the east of the garden
God said, those eating from it shall never die but, live forever.

Archangel—Eve interrupted Adam's thoughts
Woman—it is really good, take a bite and see.

Archangel—Adam leans over and takes a bite, speaks silently to hisself
Adam—(Crunch) yum yum
the tree of life I shall eat
and we both will live
for God has said, any who eat from it
shall live forever.

Archangel—(Surprised) his eyes are opened
Adam—woman, you are naked
Woman—you too is naked Adam.

Adam—take these fig leaves
let's twine them to cover ourselves.

Archangel—when God walked about in the garden in the breezy part of the day He called out to Adam

Voice of God—(thunderous) Adam!

Adam—God is calling us
Woman—what will we do? for we are naked
Adam—come, let's hide behind these trees from the face of God.

Voice of God—(thunderous) Adam!

Adam—here I am! I heard your voice in the garden
I was afraid to approach your face
for I am naked.

Voice of God—(thunderous) Adam! who told you that
you were naked?
Did you eat from the tree I commanded you not too?

Adam—the woman YOU gave me
gave me the fruit and I did eat.

Voice of God—(thunderous) woman! what is this you have done?

Woman—the SERPENT deceived me and I did eat.

Voice of God—(thunderous) serpent! because you have done this, cursed you are among all domestic animals in the field.

on your belly you will go
you will eat dust all the days of your life.

Voice of God—(thunderous) woman! your pain in childbirth will be increased
you will long for your husband and he will dominate you.

Voice of God—Adam! because you listened to your wife's voice and ate from the tree I commanded you not too,
you have been banished from the Garden of Eden in which you came
take your wife, outside you will reside in the ground that has been curse on your account.

in pain you will eat its produce
thorns and thistles will grow for you in the field vegetation you will eat in the sweat of your face
you will eat bread until you return to the ground in which you were taken
from dust you are and dust you will return.

Archangel—the human race had a tragic start
Adam forfeited paradise for all mankind
joy, peace, security and happiness
has been lost.

earth, a place of sin, suffering and death
Adam acquired for his offspring
the consequences of sin is death.

Archangel—Adam speaks to the woman

Adam—you are the mother of all living, I will call you Eve
take this long garment God made from skin to clothe us.

Archangel—God spoke to me in the heavens beside him

Voice of God—look my only begotten, the man has become like one of us knowing good and bad.

Archangel—Adam has been expelled from the Garden of Eden to cultivate the ground from which he came, God spoke to another of his angels, a Cherub

Voice of God—Cherub! go to the east of the garden
take this flaming sword and turn it continuously
guard the way to the tree of life.

lest Adam put out his hand and take of the fruit of life also
lest he eat and live forever.

Archangel—Adam reflected on his life

Adam—I have seen the abuse of God's marital arrangement
have witnessed his sacred name profaned
I have watched a city build
seen musical instruments artfully developed forging tools from iron and copper
and my condemnation by the example of Enoch.

Enoch is the seventh in my generation
he walked with the true God when I did not
I also lived to see the father of Noah, Lamech
the ninth in my generation, begat Noah.

Adam—930 years later, I have seen the good and bad just as the serpent said
casting doubt on God's integrity and sovereignty
a liar and slanderer satan became, for I am dying.

my spirit, the life God breathed into my nostrils returns as I die this very day.

Archangel—Adam returned to the ground in which he was taken in 3096 B.C.E. just as God said Genesis 3:1-24 The End.

Editing stage: 

Comments

the picture should be added tothe scriptures for you are a labyrinth to wonderful intuition

Thanks I really appreciate that. I think I'll look for one and post on Facebook with it.

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author comment

Because it is rhythmical (that means "meter"). It flows from one point to another without stumble.
It is dramatic verse.
Now, my problems. You have a narrative in the piece. Not the stage directions, small and to the point, but an actual storyteller (at the beginning and once in the middle) that is NOT a character in the play. Despite the fact this is "closet drama" (meaning it is not meant to be performed) it nevertheless needs to be written as though it were to be produced on stage. This means that an actor must physically stand upon the stage and speak the narrative lines. That actor must be a character in the play. It is a simple fix. One suggestion would be to have the narration spoken by an actual Angel of The Lord. I would create a unique personality with my own name and not that of one of the ArchAngels, but that's me. You do as you see fit, but the narration must be spoken by a character in the play and not some disembodied voice.
Next, there are a number of typographical errors in the work that could be cleared up with a careful proofreading. I always like to suggest that proofreading is one of our chief tools at producing finished poetry. Typos distract the reader from the worth of the piece. Have a look please.
All in all this is good stuff even though we know how the story pans out and I would have to call it a rousing success.
Good meter Barbara. A little loose, but a predominant aspect of the poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks for the critique. I really appreciate it. I want to write well. Grammar is a thorn I can't seem to get rid of. Lol.

I have revised for grammar error. Please let me know if there's any I missed or made anew.

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Assigning the narrator a name (archangel) seems to have cleared up the problem of having a story teller. But there are still a number of apparent typos and tense problems. I expect when you get to feeling better you'll clear that all up in edit.........stan

Thanks glad that's corrected. Now for those typos and tenses. Lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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I have corrected the typos and tenses. Hope I got them all this. If not I will revise till I get them all. Lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Now your narrator is part of the play and not outside of it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you much sir. I did it two closet play improved. Thanks for the workshop. Looking forward to the next one.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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will be our collaborative workshop done as an experiment. I hope you will help me figure it out.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Of course
I'd love to

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Serpent—you will not die
for God knows if you eat
you will become like him.

If I eat with her, we will both die
our unborn children, they too will die.

Barbara I am fairly short sighted
so I will read your piece
in bits and pieces

Along the way you kindly explain
some points to this dull brain
POINT ONE ///FIRST///1

'''you will become like him.....''. Does this not imply that since /Adam and Eve/ did eat the forbidden fruit implies we all are finally miniature gods A part off him? Of which even God was scared....Yes or no?

POINT TWO///SECOND/2

our unborn children, they too will die.............

How can unborn ...non existent suffer death?

and how did Adm know
anything about conception
and who will conceive he or she..
No one told him
I strongly believe.

Not even God knew I suppose
then as I follow you
we shall move along
the river of knowledge
you import.

Your questions aren't ones I can answer effectively. But, I believe we are made in God's image as we reflect his good qualities. And again we are free agents with choice behaviors not like robots or as animals with instinct or innate behaviors not by choice but, by designed.

I doubt God was scared of anything he created. Adam feared only after he realized he was naked and became like God knowing good and bad. Before Adam ate the fruit, he had no reason to fear or choose death over life by putting his hand out to eat from the tree of life bc he was already designed instinctly or innately to live forever. Adam unlike animals had a choice to live forever the way he was or be as God knowing good and bad for a while then die just as God told him would happen.

We are God in part since he breathe his spirit into us giving us life. Thus, he or his spirit go back to him when we die becoming non existent again. In that way I think we are God as his spirit is inside us.

The bible said God told Adam and Eve to have children so, it stand to reason God put that knowledge in them. If eve didn't already know she was to carry children, why would God say to her birth pain would increase? She had to know already.

As for unborn, non existence children you answered your question, they can't. But, think about it, Adam had unborn non existent children in his loin and eve had unborn non existent children in her loin.

Neither of them had life or God spirit in them until they met up in the Fallopian tube and unite. Now that's where God would breathe his spirit or part of him into the still unborn existing children.

Like I say I can't effectively answer your question, but can only say to to what I believe or understand to be true. I possibly maybe wrong, it's how I reason on what I learn and understand.

It's not an interpretation on my part as the bible interprets itself. I study the bible daily and ask God for understanding of his word. Anybody can do that if its what the truly want. We are all intelligent ppl that reason differently on things based on our personality and makeup.

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