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Justice, Step Forth
`
Provide us just scales
with which to measure
and determine the truth --
let no displeasure abide
be objective and distant
make sure you're blindfolded
mete out the verdict
swift and without fail.
But for the value of life
remember your own
Each breath you take
are opportunities blown
Justice is never served
for the dead remain dead
their chances forfeited
memories defaulted
punitive arrangements
may placate the bereaved
but the dead remain
to bury their own.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
crypticbard
Wed, 2011-01-05 06:48
Thanks Seren
I am very appreciative that you would step into the poem and come up with constructive suggestions.
For that I am humbly grateful. I have made a revision that incorporates most of what you have put forth.
Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-01-05 07:06
A suggestion for the end line
A suggestion for the end line, CB... (for more impact!)
perhaps: the dead remain to bury their own.
~A
crypticbard
Thu, 2011-01-06 22:27
Kaila, that is brill!
That twist in the end is really magnificent. I shall attempt to incorporate your suggestion in a revision, so watch out for it. Thanks for taking an interest and voicing out your opinions. You are most appreciated. CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
mand
Wed, 2011-01-05 07:20
Hi CB
I love your poems, they always give us something to ponder over and think about. Justice is a complex subject, you have seen it from a different point of view. I enjoyed your take on it and see your point. Excellent poem as always.
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
crypticbard
Thu, 2011-01-06 22:31
Thanks Mand
I am humbled by your kind comment. WIth that I shall strive never to disappoint my Muse. Thank you for reading and responding to this poem. Yours truly, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
crypticbard
Thu, 2011-01-06 22:35
Of course I'll read Poetic Justice
And thanks for responding to this poem. Glad to have entertained, that is of course one of the pillars of poetry, its entertainment factor, else we'd all just stick to banal prose narrative... (not that I have anything against prose) Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
loved
Fri, 2011-01-07 13:33
I HAVE READ AND READ
I’ve read and read
Your justice poem
But only today
I read in the news papers
A guy was relieved
After thirty years
Having been so lavishly splashed
With a lovely seventy
For an offence he’d never committed.
Now those whose call is justice
Can you or your intellectually
Impartial ones, so many
Tell me?
Also do show the path
Of recompense
Poetic justice is it
I ask of thee
loved
crypticbard
Sat, 2011-01-08 05:27
And that is the point of the poem
Justice as it is today fails in many ways,
and those that are entrusted as agents of justice hold our lives.
A case in point is this falsely accused and convicted man.
As poets, we can only point out and then yell with our words.
The rest is up to humanity and its collective conscience.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'