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Sin no sin

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2014-09-03 22:37

When you speak of love
as truth
in your blooming rosy youth
tis no sin
we all in love so begin

and
as you take shelter behind the moon
love will be born
beyond the clouds soon
till then you have not sinned
I stand guarantee for you

till you share her with your
kith and kin
then alone twill become
incestual sin

and
you shall never win

this alone attributes as sin
what ever you call sin
as sin

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-09-05 04:23

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

This write though very good, there was a bit missing to me as I read, it left me hanging there waiting for the rest.
Just a few more lines to link the thought with a reality of things, then excellence will to you wing.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lovedly

Fri, 2014-09-05 09:38

lovedly's picture

friend Ian please do specify
I shall send a ladder
hahahaha

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