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TIME

TIME

Raging water falling
from my fingers.
carried away by Time's madness
relentless and unforgiving
nothing to grab onto.
memories betray
voices still
a lifetime swept into
indifference

Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice to see you! This poem "to me is so sad" if I am interpreting it correctly! It reveals a constantly painful struggle - from which there is no respite and little comfort, with a sense of hopelessness inevitability.

You convey emotions and feeling very well with powerful imagery!

If I have a critique / suggestion - it would be to make the title a bit more punchy.

"Time Sweeps Indifference" ( Something along those lines ).

Of course it's only a suggestion - you know what you want to convey!

Other than that - I think this poem says alot in few words.

Love Mand xxxxxx

you read me well ! I will consider your suggestion, Thank you!

love

joe

author comment

I have ceased to defeat it by procreation, creation of timeless works or just ignoring it, "Life is too short to spend time prolonging it" (James bond via Ian Fleming).
Science is the only hope, this planet has a finite life span so unless we can escape to the stars the race itself is doomed.

Acceptance, my friend, acceptance.

Excellent verse.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
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Yes, you are right !

joe

author comment
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