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The Glass Box

Submitted by eightmenout on Wed, 2014-08-20 14:19

(for Jennien)

Masses of people rush by me
like large waves of oil spilled sea
crashing into the streets of tomorrow.
I look to their eyes only to see
a disc spinning like and old 45
that keeps bumping and skipping at the end

and

I feel like a mouse in a maze
pressing my hands against their path
feeling nothing but cold resistance.
I turn to follow...Still,
it's the same.
I turn -- and I turn again.
Still, there is nothing except my tears
washing like rain down those windows
the years have swollen shut.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-08-21 04:26

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Liked this piece, though would the 45 be better as CD they sometimes seem to skip and bump if they are at the end of their use, don't want you to label yourself as old lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

eightmenout

Thu, 2014-08-21 15:56

Thanks for stopping by. I don't mind showing my age with this one.

Scott

Scott

author comment

Rula

Thu, 2014-08-21 16:52

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this is an oddly dark and poignant piece. I thought that there are some verses go ambiguous.
+As a reader, I would like to know (within the poem itself) for example who is "Jennine", or what is the use of just mentioning her anyway?

I especially liked "a disc spinning like and old 45"
and the last line "the years have swollen shut"

I thought they are fresh re the word choice.

Hope your worry and the weary thoughts would wash soon.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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eightmenout

Thu, 2014-08-21 19:30

Good to hear from you. The poem is dedicated (for) Jennien. She is a friend going through a difficult time and I was expressing the feelings I had as I heard her talk about being in a glass box.

Thank you for the compliments. My worry and weary thoughts are getting better. Hopefully that will translate into my writing soon.

Scott

Scott

author comment

Rula

Fri, 2014-08-22 08:15

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many thanks for the clarification especially about the glass box!
and it was my fault that I didn't get the (for) Jennine earlier.
I wish her a full recovery..

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-08-21 19:19

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Scott, give her our very best thoughts and let her know we care.
That you care is grand, to write of or for her is good,
Go well my friend and know we think of you there,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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