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TAPESTRY - THE FIRST OF A SERIES OF SENRYU FROM MY OLD NOTEBOOK
Raspberry essence
On crushed ice, the sun bled
Into the clouds
Gliding on thermals
A trapeze artist's envy
Eagles in the sky
Impeccably tuned
Strings of a violin
Bowed to perfection
Woodpecker's echoes
A rhythmic plaintiveness
Spring day stillness
Dripping water
Frozen into icicles
Thoughts trapped in flight
The wind swirl sends dust
Into spirals, creating
A devils horn
From its quiver, the
moon sends silver arrows
Into the sea
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 03:54
Leonard
I loved your collection of Senryu, and as you said they were from a while back, I have your reply, and as I hate editing others works on the stream, I shall keep the edits I did in my records.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Leonard
Tue, 2014-08-05 04:14
Hi Ian
I like your suggestions so please free to make as many as you wish. It's always good to hear a candid, constructive suggestion.
Cheers
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 04:21
Leonard
Thanks for your like of my suggestions, I usually send them by PM but didn't this time.
I have copies of them, they end up in my others work section of my records so that I can reference them if needed.
Great to have you here again and I wish many of the others would be so active, I know many have problems but if they can submit poems then they can critique others works .
Take care , Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Leonard
Tue, 2014-08-05 03:34
Hi Ian
Thanks for reading and commenting. You know, most people I know are hung up on the 5-7-5 format but if you check up on google, you will see that they specifically mention that there is no need for strict adherence to the 5-7-5 format, In fact, many of the haiku written by masters do not follow this format strictly.
thanks - its really nice hearing from you
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 03:49
Leonard
Yes I am aware of the relaxing of the strict old Japanese way of writing, but I was just being bloody minded this morning lol
Probably a lot of the strict forms are lost in translation, my Daughter in law is Japanese so I suppose I go over the top sometimes, You take care and I will edit my Edit out of the equation but it was just an exercise for me,
Take care, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
weirdelf
Tue, 2014-08-05 03:35
"From its quiver, the moon sends silver arrows...
into my poetic heart.
Superb work.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Leonard
Wed, 2014-08-06 01:36
Thanks Jess
I really appreciate your comment
Cheers
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
emeka ozurumba
Tue, 2014-08-05 10:09
gliding
and so the evening comes....................
Leonard
Wed, 2014-08-06 01:37
Thanks Emeka
appreciate your stopping by.
Cheers
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"