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TAPESTRY - THE FIRST OF A SERIES OF SENRYU FROM MY OLD NOTEBOOK

Raspberry essence
On crushed ice, the sun bled
Into the clouds

Gliding on thermals
A trapeze artist's envy
Eagles in the sky

Impeccably tuned
Strings of a violin
Bowed to perfection

Woodpecker's echoes
A rhythmic plaintiveness
Spring day stillness

Dripping water
Frozen into icicles
Thoughts trapped in flight

The wind swirl sends dust
Into spirals, creating
A devils horn

From its quiver, the
moon sends silver arrows
Into the sea

Editing stage: 

Comments

I loved your collection of Senryu, and as you said they were from a while back, I have your reply, and as I hate editing others works on the stream, I shall keep the edits I did in my records.
Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I like your suggestions so please free to make as many as you wish. It's always good to hear a candid, constructive suggestion.

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

author comment

Thanks for your like of my suggestions, I usually send them by PM but didn't this time.
I have copies of them, they end up in my others work section of my records so that I can reference them if needed.
Great to have you here again and I wish many of the others would be so active, I know many have problems but if they can submit poems then they can critique others works .
Take care , Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for reading and commenting. You know, most people I know are hung up on the 5-7-5 format but if you check up on google, you will see that they specifically mention that there is no need for strict adherence to the 5-7-5 format, In fact, many of the haiku written by masters do not follow this format strictly.
thanks - its really nice hearing from you

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

author comment

Yes I am aware of the relaxing of the strict old Japanese way of writing, but I was just being bloody minded this morning lol
Probably a lot of the strict forms are lost in translation, my Daughter in law is Japanese so I suppose I go over the top sometimes, You take care and I will edit my Edit out of the equation but it was just an exercise for me,
Take care, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

into my poetic heart.
Superb work.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I really appreciate your comment

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

author comment

and so the evening comes....................

appreciate your stopping by.

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

author comment
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