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DESPERATELY SEEKING......
Yet another late newscast,
more death and violence over there
and I know that it won't be the last.
I shake my head in near despair.
Does hatred really run so deep
that war is all that both sides seek
while in the sand the bodies seep
as missiles launch from some roof's peak?
Tit for tat and tat for tit
in a cycle seemingly unending.
Will they never tire of it?
Are beliefs really that unbending?
And on both sides the innocents
huddled fearful all about.
This, to them, makes little sense
as they await another bout.
Where is the man to end this all,
a man of trust, a man of peace,
a man to break this cycle's lease?
IS there a man to end it all?
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This has been sitting around a few weeks. Roscoe's poem led me to decide to add my voice to the shout of dismay.
Editing stage:
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Comments
China Blue
Wed, 2014-07-23 23:56
Hi Stan
It might be just me but your first line seems awkward to read
the rest is great
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
scribbler
Thu, 2014-07-24 15:39
Hi Chrys
Yeah, I thought it might stumble a bit when I wrote it. I'd read it one way and it was fine then I'd read it another and it was far from fine. I'm gonna think about some alternative for a few days and see what I can come up with. I appreciate your honesty as well as time to drop by.........stan
lovedly
Fri, 2014-07-25 17:59
it must also just be me but
Where is the???? man to end this all,...seems a bit u know what!!
and I always wanted to ask you Stan
why are all your titles
DARK black and bold ...and CAPITALS???
and why the IS in Caps
Now you have to answer this guy
and don't say crap but do clap
Also hope you know
History repeats itself
this not the first war /skirmish/battle
nor the last
many dawns have since past....
and
yes how was the attempt to critique
a CEO of poetry !? !
scribbler
Fri, 2014-07-25 21:26
Hi lovedly
Now you Know that "man" in this sense means mankind which refers to both men and women lol. IS is in caps in order to add extra stress to the word as well as to shade in a bit of doubt. As to my titles being all caps, i just started out doing it that way and haven't seen a good reason to change yet.
You know, the worst thing about the conflict over there is that it just keeps recurring, as if nobody involved has ever read a history book and thus continue making the same old mistakes expecting different results. Thanks for the time to visit .............stan
lovedly
Fri, 2014-07-25 22:17
aye aye sir!
Jess made me remove the Caps
So I thought of trying on you
as a critique
sure enough a poor poetic student
can't out-smarten
SIR WITH LOVE
Thanks for not giving me a dressing
(DOWN)
LOL OKAY U MAY
scribbler
Fri, 2014-07-25 23:22
Yeah
Jess got on my case about it too but I'm at Least as stubborn as he is lol..........stan
Arrow
Sat, 2014-07-26 22:28
I find the last line to have an ironic
(I'm never sure I'm using that word rightly) meaning. I'm sure there is a man to "end it all" but not through peace. I don't know if you meant to do that but I like it that way.
scribbler
Sun, 2014-07-27 11:13
Hi
When ever you are uncertain whether I've done something good on purpose or by accident it's usually safe to assume the latter lol. .............stan