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I Dream Of Winter

I dream of winter,
not the one in cruel hearts
but one born with beauty
and the sea of white snow,
painted over the landscape
where I could lay
down and cast
in a snow angel's shape,
fulfilling my childish yearning.
I dream of snowball fights
with young children
laughing, playing
or pretending to rescue
a damsel from the Ice Queen

As I enjoy the sweet innocence
of the fabrics of their minds.
We could weave our own story
from the pallets of imaginations.
When it gets too cold
and the wind's touch isn't gentle
we'll gather near the hearth ,
listening
as the burning firewood crackles,
offering us warmth while I tell
wonderful tales to pass the time away

Yet we can wonder at the patterns
formed on the windows by the snow.
I dream of winter
yesterday and today
but this child's dream
has yet to come true....

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't expect you get any snow where you live but you Have caught a great deal of the beauty, especially childhood beauty of a white blanket which covers over faults and for at least a short while makes every thing look perfect. This might be your best to date. One tiny nit pic lol. I think fireplace or hearth might work better than chimney. A chimney is the entire thing, flue, hearth, fire box and foundation and I expect you don't mean that...........stan

you are right. There is no winter here. My country's coldest season will be the rainy season. Don't even dream of seeing snow other than the man-made ones. I guess when it really started to snow here, it could only mean nature has gone crazy and I will be panicking. lol. Thanks for the correction. Done the edit.

Alid

author comment

lie ... as in lay.... perhaps
in snow we
play to lie....(lay)

and
the''' when -para..... needs a bit of more edit
just read and try
you appear to be in your twenties
or just out of ur genes
rather jeans
so it seems

lovely sexy poetry
don't lie
just lie low lay
okay

also the ending seems a bit abrupt
well so I feel!

now you are making me confuse. lol. twenties? nah! i'm 37. its just that i like to write about the child in me. wait a minute, are you just jesting? what's with the lie low lay? you're making my head spin just trying to understand you. the 'when - para needs edit. I know that but i don't know how to do it. a little help, please? between work and family duties, my mind went blank 'cos i'm a little tired. especially since i'm also busy with the hari raya preparation.

Alid

author comment

I dream of winter,
not the one in cruel hearts
but one born with beauty
and the sea of white snow,
painted over the landscape
where I could lay,
down and cast
in a snow angel's shape,
fulfilling my childish yearning
I dream of snowball fights
with young children
laughing, playing
or pretending to rescue
a damsel from the Ice Queen

as I enjoy the sweet innocence
of the fabrics of their minds.
we could weave our own story
from the pallets of
our own imagination
When it gets too cold
and the wind's touch isn't gentle
we'll gather near the hearth,
listening
as the burning firewood crackles,
offering us warmth, while I tell
wonderful tales to while our time away

yet we can wonder at the patterns
formed on the windows by the snow.
I dream of winter
yesterday and today
but this child's dream
has yet to come true....
Hopefully some day...
Alidzain

that last bit with the year I was born will NOT be in the poem. lol. Don't want to remind myself I'm approaching 40.

alid

author comment

no problems we all have to age

no problems we all have to age

How I enjoyed this, not only because its so charmingly written,
but because we are nearly dying of heat here in Norway.
Your
"one born with beauty
and the sea of white snow,
painted over the landscape"

And if you haven't seen Jack Frost yet,
you have something in store
to relive your happy imagined childhood.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Glad you enjoyed this piece. It's one of the many childhood dreams I have which remain unfulfilled. Jack Frost you say? hmm, we'll see. Thanks for the visit and the comments.

Alid

author comment

Yes as Ann says that you need to see Jack Frost and his icy touch of a night, as he visits our houses here, where he touches things freeze, and we know its him because he always plays with patterns, with the ice he paints the windows on the inside.
The beauty of his work is well known, see we have a name for this imp that brings us beauty in the coldest of weathers. I post pictures of his work sometimes on my face book, with pictures that may make you dribble with yearning for a different clime.
Take care, liked the write but you will have to travel more, lol.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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