Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Unanswered Questions..

Submitted by alidzain on Mon, 2014-07-21 15:31

MH17 shot down
Shredded corpses lay scattered
all across the ground
where the plane lies, torn asunder

Who is the author of this tragedy?
Which scum gave the order for murder?
Don't we have enough deaths already?
Why must the innocents always suffer?

I'M ASKING
Why can't we live in peace,
have the best in this life
before we leave?

TELL ME
How can we tell the children
that their parents will never return
and their future has darkened?

What can one say to the weeping mothers
the shaken widows, the shocked parents
and the friends and relatives of the departed
to ease their hearts that were broken?

A tragedy left a nation in mourning.
Can we never stop history from repeating?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

lovedly

Tue, 2014-07-22 11:08

lovedly's picture

.

alidzain

Mon, 2014-07-21 16:37

alidzain's picture

poetry can also be a story.. just like the one I wrote in Tragedy. When you wrote one on your memories of the past, it's your story too. This one is a terrain of thoughts that I have upon hearing the news. It will be one of the happenings which will stay long in memory due to its timing, during fasting month and quite close to Hari Raya.

Alid

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2014-07-23 22:07

Volunteer badge

I was here a few days ago and typed out a comment on this then my comp froze up and the comment went to the land of frozen comments lol.
So I'll try again. Critique first :
In first stanza I think the second "lay" should be "lies".
first line of 3rd stanza...there are times when shouting should be conveyed. try I"M ASKING..... then delete the "why" at the end
Last line Consider replacing "ever" with never. This lens a bit more despair

Now as to the content and such.
I think this is a very good recitation of the question most of the world is asking about this atrocity. And you convey your mixed feelings of rage, mourning and bewilderment well..............stan

alidzain

Thu, 2014-07-24 13:57

alidzain's picture

and the comments. I've done the edits.

Alid

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.