Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Backward has taken control

I woke up early this morning
rather disoriented
Wondering what day is it, Saturday or Sunday?

I sat on the couch wandering around in my mind
I simply wanted to find an answer to my question
Lost in a daze I lost my way, sanity.

The path was unclear
Then out of no where
An answer to my question appeared.

Check your iPhone your iPad
There you will find the answer to your question
I searched around the room
There it is, my iPhone in its bright pink case.

The top of the Status bar read, Sunday
I settled down, everything that was on my mind gone
The only thing I felt was " okay it's Sunday"

I laid back down to relieve the pain in my flesh
As I prepare for Sunday worship in my mind
I figure I'll rise 8:30 then leave by 9:00.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice slice of life which I suspect we can all relate to in these hectic times lol. A few ideas :
in stanza 3 I think it should read "An answer to my question appeared."
last stanza first line , I think "lied" is wrong. Perhaps lay of laid is correct?
There were also a few changes in tense which were a but off.............stan

I will certainly edit

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

I like this. It is something we all suffer one time or another, and it's humane, I believe, so no need to worry :)

The word "Backward" in the title, I can get what you want to convey, yet don't feel happy with it, but at the same time I couldn't offer an alternative. You've used disoriented somewhere after, so I thought it works better.
Just thoughts.
Be well dear

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Your critique is appreciated.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.