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newsprint impalement

Submitted by emeka ozurumba on Tue, 2014-05-27 10:31

midsummer's gardens
grandeur paradise
rain puddle lynch
agrarian and dust to dust
chronicle icons flashpoint iris
bulletins tin bullet " perusing'"
narrow voyage
from up-chin target
treadle a whetbriar needle
pedals nitro fled from theater impalement

a quack stalks disk-jockeys locality
nigh aghast from psychopathic
tar black soot to blood donation couple
the wasted with flagrant pool ooze
having scalp being dragged scrapping
till the very spot forensics found
o what tea party! for spurious samples
tape parameters, investment laboratories
for the Mr x macadam leaving his prey
innocuous on some family Trefoil
managing a nuclear with two feminines
emolument to three meals dinner
just a frank face regular
mea culpa causative

the harm and rugged dap
much more dreaded to chosen death
falcon travelers much cold they bring
earth a flame of lair ether
backgammon and dice prank
digits on his phone, he dials
invitation to mud brewery
immutable after the gods drink
suffering in Autch waltz

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
about the exploits of digit ............ as recommended by ian
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Mon, 2014-07-14 11:30

weirdelf's picture
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spell it out like a nursery rhyrme,
but sorry, I don't get this,
what is it about?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Fri, 2014-07-18 23:23

Esker's picture

Jim morrison..Admiral Morrisons son..everyone remember his aircraft carrier was there in the Gulf of Tonkin incident....connections..connections...but James..(his real name)
wanted to be a film maker..art student..poetry writer....I only read his bio and all that...but he was smart enough to know people had to relate...had to touch an understandable form of conveyance....His music on some of the more latter records....anyone remember records..?

he was able to get more creative....nursery stuff that lilts and is repetitious sinks into our heads better then the specific formal jargon of language.....unless ones mind is adept and slinking..then the heavier words..verb noun..beat structure it slinks..slithers..curves about the
sharp corners like a serpent....and Jim called himself the Lizard king which was close..

I like this poem because its abstract...and it uses language that is pretty specific..
not your everyday words here at all...or conveyance positioned...

for me its like...what is this? but..I was in high school and didnt get shakespeare..
i thought the stuff shirts on the records were over acting and stratford down in ontario
was for preps and intellectualoids....

except....then i read it...i saw words..drama..sculpture
saw that all the hot chicks i liked were into brainac stuff and then i realy dug it.
then morrison jim made sense to me..

I like your writing
been busy..read this one and myself
didnt see the bottom addition
that it was about digit
thus the plot lines in it..

blah blah blah
mary had a little lamb....
that stuff is pounded into us...
like an AR-15 on full auto..

thank you..

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