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Asturian beaches
Most of them are small and may surprise you
with their clean sands and odd shapes,
as you stroll along a rocky, sea-bashed coast.
Few are spoilt by second homes
and many are ringed by fields with grazing cows.
Waters are rough and cold round here
so only the intrepid swim,
but surfers take advantage all year long
of heavy, rearing waves.
Dinosaurs once roamed these shores
and much, much later Neanderthals
gorged on seafood and slept in nearby caves.
Romans, of course, must have been delighted
with all the local treats, and history
lies in layers on this land.
Rain can set in, even in summer,
so it's a lottery, like Scotland.
Heaven or hell, you're never sure
and you have to come here several times
to savour perfect days.
But if you're lucky with the weather,
you have fifty beaches close at hand
and mountains, forests and rivers;
Asturias is a summary of nature's bounty.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Asturias is a beautiful but little-known region of northern Spain and has been my home for nearly forty years. The only drawback is the weather, which can be bad even in summer, but when the sun's shining it's pretty unbeatable. As usual someone will probably tell me this is not poetry. But please consider the line-breaks. They offer a kind of extra punctuation, slightly briefer than a comma, which is unavailable in prose.
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Asturias, Spain
Favorite Poets
Chaucer, Shakespeare, Du Bellay, Metaphysicals, Petrarch, Dante, Baudelaire, Lorca, Becquer, Coleridge
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Comments
Ian.T
Mon, 2014-06-30 03:59
Robert
I looked up Asturian and it went so:-
Asturian may refer to: Something of, from, or related to Asturias, in Northern Spain..
Now as to the write I sometimes write about places I have never been, like the Fjord's in Scandinavia and many other places, now my crit of this piece is that it is factual, and like a travel agents paper, that relies on pictures to show people what there is there.
A poet needs to paint as an artist, what he/she sees, or to convey that scene to those that may never be able to go to the beauty you see.
Let us feel the sand hear the waves that crash on those shores and the beauty of the mountains and hills, let us feel the rain that has caught us out in the open.
That will do for now will get back to you on this one, on your reply,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- have a read of my piece "Lavender Journey" and see what I am missing in my inability to paint as some do...
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Robert Melliard
Mon, 2014-06-30 15:24
Fair criticism
I actually wrote this based on some photos I had taken for a combined poem/picture blog, so perhaps that's why I didn't feel the need to be very visual because that element was already covered by the photos, but I agree that it could be much more immediate. That might require a whole new poem though.
Best wishes,
Robert.
author commentIan.T
Mon, 2014-06-30 17:52
Robert
The new poem can be put as an addition to the one you have written, with just a short explanation of the changes from photo to word picture, good luck I look forward to your experiment, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..