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The Hero You Needed Me To Be

Living her life in regret of her mother,
Living in the embrace of the man who loved her.
Crying to yourself for reasons unknown,
Holding you close, never leaving you alone.
You always loved and trusted the beat of my heart,
My heart has been called to protect and do its part.

Here I am to be your knight,
Share with me what causes your plight.
When life has become hopeless Ill give it meaning,
With a prayer for your smile I hope to be seeing.

I know what your thinking and you dont hide it,
Although I wish I could deny it.
Death is your release in your eyes of hazel,
So you turn over your life for my appraisal.
Youve suffered a life of one you feel unwanted,
And I can see in your eyes you are clearly haunted.

Meet with my lips, for your life has meaning,
You are an Angel with your wings still gleaming.
I would take you away and shelter you sweetly,
And ill send Death away, so very discreetly.
Live now your life and feel no depression,
By surviving I hope I have taught you this lesson:

You are free to live life, ignore people judging.
Now over this land you thankfully keep trudging.
I am proud to have been there to help you through it.
You dont need to depend on those unworthy,
Because you are you, and you are worthy.

Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I was there for her when she fell. I would've always been there had her heart not changed. But despite this, a piece of mine shell always have. She survived her depression and that's all that matters to me...she didn't give in and for that I'm proud of her
Editing stage: 

Comments

very intricate i see. good judgement of the situation you know karma knows a lot about

Firstly welcome to Neopoet site and I hope that you will walk with us and learn of the things you need and even some new things we all find here.
I liked this first piece it is sincere and written well, later as things go you will probably use less words to say the things you need to say, that is learning, then join the workshops here for the extra things you need,
Take care and be just you, don't change your base ways of thinking they are good,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

- really liked the feel to this.

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

you have had the fortune
of two poets to bless you,
I can hardly address myself as the third
so many have heard
as Jess would say hankering !!!!
much more whining..............

but you come from a country
where women play around poles
and it doesn't matter which
after two guys have accessed their hole

they seek another
as spice of life becomes a leisure

So be it
stay calm cool and vibrant ,
life is just a force to reckon with,

we came here coz two guys tore their condom
or better forgot a pill ,
so let us not in the past drill

life is still worth it
till we live.

Happy learning as Ian doth say
He is always along my pathway
these three and a half years away.
ask Ian
what about this miniature
bard....
he has to say....
I pray!

loved

first about the poem.

In the first stanza,first 2 lines, you wrote

.Living her life in regret of her mother,
Living in the embrace of the man who loved her.

but after that the rest of the poem is you are talking to her in " I " and "you" basis. My suggestion is why not make these first two lines in the same way to go in line with the title. You can write it like this -

Living your life in regret of your mother,
Living in the embrace of your lover.

that way you can still stick to the rhyming as well. Apart from that, this is a good poem as it comes from the heart.

Iadmire you for having the courage to write about it. Letting go after giving your all is never easy even if you know it is the right thing to do. To tell you the truth if I am in your shoes I won't be able to write about it 'cos I will worry that I will not have the strength to let her go in my mind and that will be unfair to myself in m search for love. That is the honest truth about me. You may be stronger who knows?

Stay true to yourself
Alid

Let me introduce myself.
My name is Wesley Snow.
I have spoken to you in a Private Message as to my intentions (others here and near are shuddering and crying for you to take cover).
Yes. I am about to take your poem apart.

Take heart.
One does not take Bunker Hill if it is insignificant
Have you ever heard of Iambic Tetrameter? That's not a joke question... I need to know.
You used predominately Iambic meter overrun.
you skip and play as you see fit... to Hell with what happens afterward.

Now, let me say a word.

This is barbOROUS//*-*89623123

I love your poem. I weary of the meter changes that don't allow me to relax.

7-**-+. trite.
Say the same thing over again.

Holding you close, never leaving you alone.
You always loved and trusted the beat of my heart,
My heart has been called to protect and do its part.

Trite is the description of that which is old and done.
For goodness sake don't use it.
Your rhyme structure is sound... do not mess with it. but be more imaginative

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

The joy of freeform poetry. The only rules are the ones I make for myself.

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

It is wonderful to try to be the hero, but in the end you are powerless.
In fact I sense a somewhat disagreeable impression of grandiosity in this. Superiority even.
The verse is reasonably well structured, as has been commented.
What is very disagreeably is your higher moral stance in the face of mental illness. I base this not just on the poem but on your statements in your profile.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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