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Spoken Truth

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2014-06-10 02:06

I see your face
in the morning light
clouded with doubts,
left unspoken
as we face a tempest,
threatening to sink us
in a sea of insecurity.

Don't fell prey to the malign
spread by hearts riddled
with cancerous envy,
trying to lead us astray.
Listen to me and believe,
for you're the only one
who possessed
my heart,
my soul,
my body
all surrendered to you.
Search your heart,
you know this is true

Should you still doubt
then just recall :
it was Your name I called
when we're joined
in ecstasy?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Breakinglogic

Tue, 2014-06-10 04:43

Breakinglogic's picture

Suspicion, doubt and un-rested thoughts are ripe conditions for harsh waters. Can proposed truths guide you to safe harbor?

Lovely read!

logic

☆ raffy

alidzain

Tue, 2014-06-10 15:11

alidzain's picture

the only truth that can offer one sanctuary is the one dipped in honesty and not false sincerity because there can be no loyalty in the absence of sincerity. How can you truly give your all when the heart is unwilling?. Some people think love is perfection when in truth it is the acceptance of the good and bad in another. it make up for the imperfections found in all of us. take for example, a woman may not have a sexy figure but she has a very good heart and she can cook well. At least that is what I believe.

Alid

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2014-06-10 13:48

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It was easier for me to repost with alternatives inserted than to do the line and stanza thing :
I see your face
in the early light
troubled with doubts
left unsaid
as we face a tempest
threatening to sink us
in a sea of insecurity.

Don't become prey to the malign
spread by hearts riddled
with cancerous envy
trying to lead us astray.
Listen to me and believe.
Only you have possessed me.
my heart,
my soul,
my body.
all surrendered to you
and in your heart
you know this truth.

Should you still doubt
then just recall :
it was Your name I called
when we were joined
in ecstasy.

* keep in mind this is not meant for you to copy word for word but, rather, to show you that alternatives exist.
I like this poem's bones and the message of how jealousy can ruin a relationship......stan

alidzain

Tue, 2014-06-10 15:33

alidzain's picture

I've done some edits merging some of your suggestions with my original words. thanks for sharing.

Alid

author comment
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