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p r i t t i e

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2014-06-02 02:04

the murk drools past
the soft touch
holding face in all the shine
each crafted pleasant
petal up to the sun\

prittie puts it on\

complex as a knot of twine
and the ball hits the
blacktop

and the skies eyes
are as blue as mine
they can see
forever

and ever...

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

emeka ozurumba

Wed, 2014-06-04 06:36

emeka ozurumba's picture

young bard your vision is eagle prowess. i liked the poem

Esker

Mon, 2014-06-09 22:13

Esker's picture

the changes in the past year...i just sit and stare out windows...the mirage line of the lake
glistening paler then the sky..the dark islands floating atop the edge where light bends...
mystic and revealing....riding the bus watching rooflines and tree tops.....the gusts in the winds chasing leaves like a school of fish turning and the bus bending round its street on its routes the deisel grunting in its efforts.....and always i wonder....why am i here........

author comment

violet

Thu, 2014-06-05 04:46

violet's picture

I enjoyed the ajar feeling I get from this. It's open enough to let me see inside- closed enough to keep me out. A good balance, imo. I particularly like the strong opening lines and your all or nothing approach on punctuation. Much smarter than it appears.

V

Esker

Mon, 2014-06-09 22:18

Esker's picture

other then the need to write toward....describing a dream i barely remember
the de ja vue of it falling like poplar down on a pleasant blue sky...
words are dollars and the punctuations are coins...missing
too loud in the darkness to cross the bridge....too seductive to
hold...the weight...the skill of its denominations on fingertips
like the turn of a wrist of a familar loss

i need to keep writing toward.....thank you.....

author comment
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