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The tongue has no understanding
The tongue of those who can't relate to struggles of the sickly,
Those who don't know what it's like to suffer in silence
From an auto immune disease (multiple sclerosis)
Keeps me depressed and oppressed.
Glaucoma has taken my sight rendered my driving useless
The dimness in my right eye has me wondering
If my left eye will follow.
Figures walking by with blurred faces
Eyes are no more like empty sockets
Shadows in my peripheral.
I can't imagine walking about in life
Standing at the window
Not able to see the world outside.
I adorn bifocals with pink tinted lens
Shielding me
From the blinding light of day....
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-06-03 04:23
Barbara
Never worry about all those others, they are the blind with incurable illnesses and the shortness of tongues.
I like this theme though I feel you held back and should have shouted at them.
We know you are beautiful in your ways, so why worry about others you can just dismiss.
Yours as always Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-06-03 10:27
thanks Ian
Glad to be appreciated. I won't worry about them. I do dismiss those with tongues that have no understanding. words like "I knew you was faking" when you mistaken ppl for somebody else is like feathers in the winds. when words like that is said to other can't be recaptured and taint the minds of any who didn't think such a think before. eyes are like burning missiles and paranoia is aflame in my brain.
there is a lot more I've written to this piece. this is a snippet. I'm still writing to it as my thoughts finds dark places to cry about it.
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author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2014-06-03 22:10
Although I relate strongly to the theme
I feel this poem has a problem of "telling" rather than "showing".
Let us know more what it feels like than describing the symptoms.
cheers,
Jess
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Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-06-03 22:26
hey Jess
thanks, but for this I'm in as telling mood. I like the showing critique and will certainly figure it out.
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author commentemeka ozurumba
Wed, 2014-06-04 06:24
in line 2 you mean" what its
in line 2 you mean" what its like" and be more descrete to the abstract attributes
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-06-04 11:54
thanks
missed that little grammar error. changes made.
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author commentBarbara Writes
Wed, 2014-06-04 12:08
thanks for all the critiques
I'll work on this some more, revised it to be more creative. Going through some new ish and writing gets me through it. Jess, I will certainly show the gut wrenching description in the revision lol. Emeka I'm not sure what you want to see. Please describe to me what "descrete to the abstract attributes" means.
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author commentLonnie
Wed, 2014-06-04 15:26
Nicely written!
A vivid description of a cursed ailment or ailments! You've told it as you see it and like it is for you, and that is enough for me!
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2014-06-06 13:06
Thanks Lonnie
I tend to rant off, so writing this was a way to release the anxiety, like bricks, that was bringing me down. Once poetivity begin to flow again I'll show what this all feel like from my perspective.
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author commentEsker
Mon, 2014-06-09 23:34
meds...
took a large pill for the mind that i thought was for the muscle spasms..
same size..color....no eyeglasses that day..jars same in same cupboard..
i had to do some talking rather then just the day to day jim jam....in half
an hour with trying to throw it up..impossible...i could barely function let
alone stand....and speaking was like a dentist visit...my tonque stopped
working like a stroke victim...i had to use very careful words....speak very
very slowly and focus very very carefully.....i lived with people with vision
impairments ...other....finally getting this age myself....i liked the telling
of this.......getting through to the feelings and other part is a big step
im working at this in my abstract way in poetry...in life i try to talk like
this and no one understands a word i say hardly ...save a few
brainiacs but they are scheduled with family....games..hobbies..
no time for dyslxia...yah and most think im faking too...i do like the
pink glasses you describe though......i know the albino girl i knew
of once wore these....I like that you take careful time to answer your
comments and have a good repoire here with your works....thank you
barbara..