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Static For Precious
fringe cacophony
fiendishly abuzz
a distant dirge
mingles into
merciless wind
dusted with
skin felt audio
tainted with grit
when amplified silence
becomes shelter
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2014-05-16 21:13
You need more time to get your head clear.
The ice has made you un-lucid.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
emeka ozurumba
Sat, 2014-05-17 10:37
gosh!!!! jess
your sense of metaphors please highlighted me more, I'd like to know what inspired the poem, yours lovely, I'm thinking of gust moments thriving on the slake of inspiration , and you writing this poem for a feeling, please broaden a description to me
weirdelf
Sat, 2014-05-17 11:45
Your comment is unlear,
it sounds like you think I wrote the poem. David did.
I confess I found the poem unlucid.
No doubt it is my failing.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
emeka ozurumba
Sat, 2014-05-17 11:58
i'm addressing that to david
i'm addressing that to david
weirdelf
Sat, 2014-05-17 14:45
May I read it for you?
This poem just gets better and better.
I hope the reading helps
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/static-for-precious-by-david
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
IKnowNoBox
Mon, 2014-05-19 15:47
I believe as I recall that this verse ..
was written back when I was living under a bridge. I was gaining critical, and skeptic momentum, and too much of what was going on around me blurred into static. it takes time to detox ones self from the buzz of society. It gets so people expect such invading concepts just because it is in a flattering frequency. So it is like society is flipping through radio stations and nothing factual, or non sensational doesn't stand a chance. Some even "squint" their ears to listen for interpretations to abstract static, and ambiguous media.
Thank you Jess for the read.
author commentIKnowNoBox
Mon, 2014-05-19 15:51
Only truth reveals taint.
A pure canvas shows pollution.
So why does society sell only tainted canvas for the youth of today?
Creativity, rationality, and enrichment are drowned out by advertisements, and pseudoscience.
author commentemeka ozurumba
Fri, 2014-05-23 04:40
i liked the insights , it is
i liked the insights , it is nourishing
Seren
Tue, 2014-05-27 13:51
David
I didn't find the poem unlucid as Jess suggested, I really felt drawn into the words and a staccato rhythm that found itself in my mind as I read...there was a slide show of images for me that moved from one to the other with the feeling of fractured thoughts...nice work I thoroughly enjoyed the read
love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
IKnowNoBox
Wed, 2014-05-28 03:28
thank you
thanks for the comment.
author comment