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Desire to hold

Well, let me hold you!
We have many things to hold
what all you want to hold
just let me know
when you yourself are held,
no one will let you go
without breaking a weld
so hold on
I shall await
a message from you
till then I shall hold on
my prettiest one on to you!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

OK this one just leaves my mind in a knot. Please don't interpret that as negative.

I think it was just how you put the words together. To me there is no flow in the words. It's like one wall after another. I get the feel that the idea is constantly changing in the mind of the narrator. But who knows I could be wrong.

I get what the poem is trying to say but it becomes a little confusing. However, the piece itself feels like the early stage of an idea or a certain emotion. It's like when you have an epiphany. You completely understand it in your head, but you don't quite have all the words to describe what is going on.

I hope I got something right. If not, then please excuse my mad ramble and give me your take.

Not often that my mind gets all up in a knot. But there is something good about this one, and I liked it very much.

a poet can't keep 7.5 billion within reach
Thanks for your brief
I think you have never read me

loved

author comment

Well, let me hold you! We have many things to hold what all you want to hold just let me know when you yourself are held, no one will let you go without breaking a weld so hold on I shall await a message from you till then I shall hold on my prettiest one on to you! Well, let me hold you! We have many things to hold what all you want to hold just let me know when you yourself are held, no one will let you go without breaking a weld so hold on I shall await a message from you till then I shall hold on my prettiest one on to you!

It is prose, not poetry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

prose is more beautiful than poetry
as you have so thoughtfully put it

that's why I call myself
'''prosaic ....''''
poetry praise
and
prose erase
and vice verse ..(a)
as you do it now Jess..

It marvels my dwarfed mind
how after a long time
to read my junk
time you could find

loved

author comment

1. Consisting or characteristic of prose.
b. Matter-of-fact; straightforward.
2. Lacking in imagination and spirit; dull.

Not poetry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

was just so beautiful

we will not split hairs
as I am nearly bald

my age bars me to accept
a challenge

loved

author comment
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