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The curse of Kali (for Alid)

Submitted by Ian.T on Sat, 2014-05-10 18:31

Dr Chaz I am near you

From the legends of Kali

I heard the churning of the Ocean
There the milk frothed and changed state
A poison I have brewed for my enemies
Madhva can relate this story true to you

It with me, are now locked in legend
Or so it is told to all men to deceive
Halahala will be mine to give too many
Even Vaya tried to make it weak

His winds could not reduce Halahala
A gift of the milky Oceans fury
Shiva he turned blue with just a sip
In a gold pot, held in the arms of Vaya.

They hunted me down killing my friends
I alone stand against the dark demons
I am the remaining essence of Halahala
Touch me not or death will visit your door

My kith and kin the hungry of the packs
The loan tiger the wolf are of my loins
Watch for me under the Cobras hood
Part me, part poison, churned Oceans milk

Wait for me in scriptures of evil doings
Shiva is my pen where other scribe truths
You cannot win I hold the hand that holds the pen
You cannot rewrite all those words again

I am the hero of the underworld invisible
I shall possess your mortal frame, no escape
I shall enter your heart and show new ways.
Yet they are the dark ways of forever,

Yours Kali

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is taken from the story of Kali and made into a piece that maybe poetry but more a story changed for fun..
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

vandiemenspeak

Mon, 2014-05-12 06:00

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Even for one not familiar with the subject matter, I found the imagery in this quite striking and it made me want to find out more! I came across Shiva in another work recently, and it reminds me, that we should read more widely, outside of our own cultural comfort zone too. Thanks for the kind words on my prior work, and will try to keep coming back whenever I can.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-05-12 17:54

Ian.T's picture
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Thanks for your read and comment, as you will see by Alids comment he has protected himself from harm.
What if his God is not the true one, only joking, this is a poem on one of the myths of Kali, but there are many stories right across India and beyond about these entities, as were the Roman Gods and their stories..
A lot of reading to keep up with them they are so many.
You take care and love all that you meet and there you will win, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

alidzain

Mon, 2014-05-12 07:25

alidzain's picture

that is only a shell that will be destroyed by time
but my soul is not for the taking
it's protected by the angels sent by Him
in that way i will win

the beasts can't protect you from His wraith
for his angel's spears are the lightnings that split the sky
you are the creature of the underworld
He is the king of all worlds and creation

only your arrogance blinds you from truth
or are you lying to install fear in mortal's heart
that won't work on me, Dark One
Do your worst on me if you don't believe

Dr Chaz

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-05-12 17:59

Ian.T's picture
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A poem written around a story of one of the Indian Gods, but it would be nice if we were given some first hand knowledge about these myths.
I can't recall when I last wrote a bit that was true, most of my works come from the imagination and strings of stories I have heard.
Only you must know if you fear for your soul, but from what you say I guess you are doing fine, take care young traveller and it is a pleasure to walk with you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2014-05-12 08:27

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then read it aloud and fell in love.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/the-curse-of-kali-for-alid-by
You have come a long way my friend, with subtle and effective use of a range of poetic techniques.
[shoots anyone who doesn't applaud]
I might not agree with your interpretation of the myth but this is a fucking fine poem.
I won't promise but will try to come back with some actual helpful critique when I have gathered my breath.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-05-12 18:03

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I am pleased that you visited this one.
It was written from the research information about Kali.
It was a fun write but seems to have made a mark, I love trying to bring others to read up on other cultures and myths.
I loved writing the ones on the North American Indians, but I don't really seem to be happy with writing as I need subjects to write about or people to write for I feel better when there is a purpose.
Thanks again for your welcome visit,
Yours as always Ian

PS:- Don't be too cross for my latest piece, it is a tribute to a man I know..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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