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Only in May

Submitted by Rula on Sat, 2014-05-03 09:27

Only when May's dreams come true
that spring would show,up and through.
The meadows would then over sneeze
the Marigolds with summer's breeze.
Bees with pollens are to and fro,
paint the green with colors-raw.
The flowers smile, the hearts sway,
while silent go the words and 'stray.
The heaven patters-showers sheen,  
  the rainbow reflects–his face is seen. 
The cycle goes once and again,
more flowers bloom, to blaze the plain.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Hello all, I have been a bit lazy for a while. Someone went and took my muse. Take care:)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Sat, 2014-05-03 18:48

Eduardo Cruz's picture

Your coming back is like a rebirth in the cycle of spring. So your poem is apropos as it is your muse that has return to your spring of renewal.

This is so nicely written. There no breaks in the lines to the naked eye, Yet as you read you can feel the break as if your watching a butterfly bounce over the words.
Bravo!

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

raj

Sun, 2014-05-04 15:07

Welcome back Rula after being away for a few weeks. it was a refreshing experience. Being in a rough draft stage, I am sure you will tweak it up a bit here n there.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Sun, 2014-05-04 15:19

Rula's picture
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For the kind words. .. Yes, sorry for being a lazy soul . I thought a one week vacation would bring me a new dress, but I think I am still a bit cloaked in my relaxing mood.
Thanks for devoting some time to read this attempt. I shall revisit hopefully soon, any suggestions or pointing any flaws are surely appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

raj

Sun, 2014-05-04 15:29

It always takes some time to get back in the groove after a vacation...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2014-05-08 03:02

Nordic cloud's picture

I love the "spring shows up and through" it creates the exact drama
of Spring in its gown of splendid new colours and forms that
"blaze the plain:"

I have never thought of the rainbow as someone, let alone a he,
or did you mean another he?

I shower patters of petals onto your page, for your eyes to sweep on
and your nostrils detect the perfumes. As you see I enjoyed your poem
dear Rula, love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-05-08 03:46

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

May your spring,
last till Summers sun,
then blossom for all to read
producing only good seed,
To be planted next time
to produce for you
words that rhyme.

Lovely piece, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

alidzain

Sat, 2014-05-10 17:56

alidzain's picture

Welcome back!

Alid

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