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Goodbye/Lucky by Ron Woodruff
Goodbye/Lucky by RW
I have to find the barrier, the drop,
the scarier stop
The rest of the 80-90 empirical proof
If I'm a goof I'm glad to be so
loud and free
though I often whisper
Open scars and mean guitars
my family name will not last
The past, the apathetic Czars
the prototype, the blast
I am quite insane
looking through cellophane
but despite have had a transcendent life
as fun as spontaneous writes rife
with honesty, sometimes ugly
somber or unleasant
and the stars above
and I the coiled pheasant
gripping underbrush shrub
when the grey sky breaks
and the guns discharge
It like wrestling is fake
and truth a colliding barge
for love and poetry's sake
I wish it more than goodbye.
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Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I want it to speak for me.
Editing stage:
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Comments
emeka ozurumba
Thu, 2014-03-27 11:41
good collocation of massive
good collocation of massive ideas
BlueDemon77
Tue, 2014-05-06 22:01
Thank you Emeka, I appreciate your kind words
I deeply apologize for the amount of time it has taken me to respond. I intend to write and post some more soon. In the meantime, if you go to my profile, there should be a list of all the work I've posted here. It's very diverse. Some complex form work, some free-form work with it's own rhythms. It would be my honor if you were to have a look.
Thanks Emeka!
Ron Woodruff
Blue Demon77
"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."
The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath
eightmenout
Fri, 2014-03-28 19:11
Ron
Speaks volumes. Sent me off into different mental planes and brought me back again.
Hope all is going well with the book. Did you get the professorship?
Scott
Scott
BlueDemon77
Tue, 2014-05-06 22:05
Nah, That's way off but still the goal.
I'm glad you liked it. I'm going back into a Allen Ginsberg phase for while, I think the strict form caused me a pit of a breach between my words and what they are trying to convey. I hope the new stuff inspires you. Sorry for the delay.
Ron
Blue Demon77
"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."
The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath
arja
Sun, 2017-08-20 04:48
wow! as usual, your mind has
wow! as usual, your mind has traversed into different fields of interesting ideas and places again..