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Open Your Eyes

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2014-05-06 02:18

Open your eyes, my friends
We have been fed with lies for many years
This deception must come to an end
or it will ravage our dreams for the future

We have been nodding our heads,
machinations serving the corrupt without intent,
puppets to the minds deprived of humanity,
allowing them to stir our lives to ruins

Open your eyes and rise
let your voice be heard,
In silence our souls have died,
let them be reborn in this life

We will no longer be enslaved by liars
who refuse to acknowledge their faults,
hiding them behind the veil of words
while their hands do nothing to correct

Open your eyes and make a stand
Let the false kings' reign reach its end

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

loved

Tue, 2014-05-06 03:38

loved's picture

when we are spineless

you asked me once to compose
a poem
this is it now

when we are spineless
and
place on a higher pedestal
others without spines
maybe weaker than thine

in places of power
and
let them devour the roost

why call them spineless
I ask of you

You placed them there in the first place
now why curse them do you

We alone are responsible
for a spineless generation
entwined in women and wine
and
say look after us oh helpless Divine
where can you in a devastating world like this ever shine
erect your spine

then say I 'm alone but fine!

loved

alidzain

Tue, 2014-05-06 03:58

alidzain's picture

no truer words have been spoken.

Alid

author comment

loved

Tue, 2014-05-06 04:31

loved's picture

now you add on

loved

alidzain

Wed, 2014-05-07 18:07

alidzain's picture

we cannot change the past
mistakes that we have made
which allow the liars rise to power
but we can and we must strive
for the good of the future
silence will not save us
if we do nothing,
its as bad as consenting to their deeds
we must speak up or all will be lost

Alid

author comment

raj

Thu, 2014-05-08 00:06

One can sense the uneasiness within which inspired this poem...it's a good thing to generate awareness about these issues...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Wed, 2014-05-07 18:08

alidzain's picture

thanks for stopping by. Appreciate it very much.

Alid

author comment

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2014-05-07 17:12

Barbara Writes's picture
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A write that is so true. there will one day be a king that will reign in righteousness. but for now we endure this corrupt system that will end one day.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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alidzain

Wed, 2014-05-07 18:10

alidzain's picture

I just hope that it come sooner. got sick o the things that have been happening nowadays.

Alid

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2014-05-08 02:40

Nordic cloud's picture

Yes man is ever gullible to his own illusions,
living in a concocted world of false premises.

Hi from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

weirdelf

Thu, 2014-05-15 08:13

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Everyone can see what is wrong. Try analysing why it is wrong and offering solutions.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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