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Open Your Eyes
Open your eyes, my friends
We have been fed with lies for many years
This deception must come to an end
or it will ravage our dreams for the future
We have been nodding our heads,
machinations serving the corrupt without intent,
puppets to the minds deprived of humanity,
allowing them to stir our lives to ruins
Open your eyes and rise
let your voice be heard,
In silence our souls have died,
let them be reborn in this life
We will no longer be enslaved by liars
who refuse to acknowledge their faults,
hiding them behind the veil of words
while their hands do nothing to correct
Open your eyes and make a stand
Let the false kings' reign reach its end
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
loved
Tue, 2014-05-06 03:38
when we are spineless
when we are spineless
you asked me once to compose
a poem
this is it now
when we are spineless
and
place on a higher pedestal
others without spines
maybe weaker than thine
in places of power
and
let them devour the roost
why call them spineless
I ask of you
You placed them there in the first place
now why curse them do you
We alone are responsible
for a spineless generation
entwined in women and wine
and
say look after us oh helpless Divine
where can you in a devastating world like this ever shine
erect your spine
then say I 'm alone but fine!
loved
alidzain
Tue, 2014-05-06 03:58
loved
no truer words have been spoken.
Alid
loved
Tue, 2014-05-06 04:31
thank you so very much
now you add on
loved
alidzain
Wed, 2014-05-07 18:07
loved
we cannot change the past
mistakes that we have made
which allow the liars rise to power
but we can and we must strive
for the good of the future
silence will not save us
if we do nothing,
its as bad as consenting to their deeds
we must speak up or all will be lost
Alid
raj
Thu, 2014-05-08 00:06
Alid
One can sense the uneasiness within which inspired this poem...it's a good thing to generate awareness about these issues...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Wed, 2014-05-07 18:08
Hi Raj
thanks for stopping by. Appreciate it very much.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-05-07 17:12
Loved
A write that is so true. there will one day be a king that will reign in righteousness. but for now we endure this corrupt system that will end one day.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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alidzain
Wed, 2014-05-07 18:10
Hi Barbara
I just hope that it come sooner. got sick o the things that have been happening nowadays.
Alid
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2014-05-08 02:40
Yes man is ever gullible to
Yes man is ever gullible to his own illusions,
living in a concocted world of false premises.
Hi from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-05-15 08:13
Ciche
Everyone can see what is wrong. Try analysing why it is wrong and offering solutions.
cheers,
Jess
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