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astronomer

Submitted by emeka ozurumba on Sat, 2014-04-05 13:03

astrologer,
set gates into the watchtower
an Arab dune
arch outside fire colour
permeates ashdust

polka dots grinning in the sky
disaster has prickle grit glass
i saw it take off into the skies
the bride will adorn veil white dress
sordid when the moon starts raining blood throes

those that delivered their life willing fully into
time is short for such expulsion
in the teeth of his pilgrimage
ravel tempests wake up one morning
talisman became a wick
offering vigil incense spent
the mask in separation of him
serration clomb clasps of sunrise
tap darker man tan in an eternal silence,
our shadows require no task force
before it, sleeping into the bed;
soul taken in speck dreams
taboo marksman
great flowers for petals indeed pour

cloak has bruised the ground
parts are traced by police hounds
belonging to be sniffed
heaven for optimum speed
tragically back into the orients

minaret chimes to the distant.... vows
coming to that for which
lightening cant brood other than smite
sonorous sigh of festivity, pellucid call
to the worship, of worships

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this poem is about an air crash, where the humans burst aflame like shooting stars testing the potency of the ingenuity in mans Creation hazard doomed to destroy, the great petals that pour are indeed the falling humans from the sky in a wreckage where they will only be identified by things like a police-dog, tragic isn't it?. i saw his air flight as a pilgrimage of doom also putting in retrospect mans journey to death inevitably
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Shyanne18

Sat, 2014-04-05 15:20

Shyanne18's picture

I am not one who is interested in space, but your poem grabbed me. I had troubled with some of your "grammar".... "sleeping into the bed" is one. It sounds nice on paper but I read it outloud and it took away from the meaning. Some of the grammar hit the ear wrong. I think this poem is unique. I like the theme.

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raj

Sat, 2014-04-05 16:17

I too liked the theme connecting to the mysteries and uncertainties of life. I am sure you would give a thought to what Shyanne has said..

There are many good lines. I especially liked "sordid when the moon starts raining blood throes"

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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