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grime of the hexed hysteria

Submitted by emeka ozurumba on Mon, 2014-03-03 11:09

Bethel streaming shoal
whole host scule strel
mini in min lost
mien mayhem dem
dia triad then
dam darn than
strand stand
demon eyes
thread bare blare
rich marina
Fitch Grinch cinch

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this poem is biblical talking about the encounter on Jacobs ladder where he saw angels, many words need personal collocation to understand their semantics to the verse, e.g scule annd strel , mean miniscule and minstrel but their lexical insertion are prolonged so it gives it a double bind also diadem , and the demon eyes actually refer to the angels Jacob saw but using demon was because he saw this in a dream , and the rich marina are their beautiful streaming state which i earlier compared to as shoal
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-03-27 18:27

Ian.T's picture
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Most religious poems seem to have a limited response from the majority of poets here.
I don't mind too much but this one takes some understanding with its strange words not normally used and the subject matter as you have explained just lost me solely because it takes a lot of searching to find the meanings if they are not on hand.
I wish you well and hope to see some neutral poetry later,
Yours Ian.T

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