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I feel Myself

Submitted by Augusto on Sat, 2014-03-15 06:30

When I walk this lane,
I feel the roughness of this path.
When I run on the track,
I feel the difficulty of my speed.
When I look at you,
I feel I can do much better.
When I sit all alone,
I feel I have something to do.
When I sleep in the corner,
I feel I should get up.
When I stand by my decisions,
I feel I am what I am.

Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Rula

Wed, 2014-03-19 06:10

Rula's picture
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and welcome back.
I didn't like the repition of the "when I..."
I can see the message you wanted but thought you can do a bit of culling to make this sharper and right to the point. Just an opinion.
As I checked your other posts, I see you don't reply to other's comment. I think this is not a
healthy thing at Neo. If you're here to enrich the site with your thoughts, communication is one of the most important tools.
Thanks for sharing anyway.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Augusto

Thu, 2014-03-20 19:02

Hi Rula,
Sorry for replying to my previous post, I will keep in mind to post regularly from now on.

Thanks for the comment on poem, I will try improve hereon.

Regards,
Augusto

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