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D E C O R UMLIVIDITY
we lay like ruinous worth
the mirror alive with unspoken
movement
a storm mouth of static
from the black ovid speaker
voices voices voices
beneath the hiss
breath of a calling
the darkness
filling up the mirror
rising like a flood
we will float from the
uneven steps of the
landing
in this dream
separate
with one heart
carried in its cage
a bird taken
forth into the
depths
descendant
to breath the air
on the other side
the whirl of static
like gravel
on a fender
down a lane
with limbs
cascading
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-03-18 04:41
Steve
A vision of things held in ones eyes then taken to heart, loved the mind reaction to the read..
Just one tiny tiny thing:-
descendant
to breath the air (in this line should it be "Breathe" ??)
on the other side...
Take care, have a great day, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Esker
Tue, 2014-03-18 10:54
tiny descendant..
please elaborate your reaction to the word Ian..
thank you!
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-03-18 12:23
Steve
The comment or small fault was of the word Breath, the word Descendant seemed to me to be OK but is that word also in the wrong time zone, as it is a person doing something ie: coming down a rope or from a height.
The descendant had sore hands from rope burns or something like that I will leave that with you.
My original tidy was the word Breath...
Take care young wolf the season of much food is arriving.
Fortunes change as the seasons flow.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
emeka ozurumba
Tue, 2014-03-18 14:06
death at the dawn
propitiation seemed a futile rite......
fate stern grimly on
Esker
Wed, 2014-03-19 09:33
okay ian
breathe was a mispell..
descendant is the image in the mirror..
like a relative..a twin..an other from another realm yes..
personas too..
we are driven by genes
behaviours etc..
you act like your mother..
father..uncle
etc....
mirrors are magical..
thank you!
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-03-20 18:30
Once again, I can but read.
Tell me if you want me to stop doing it.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/d-e-c-o-r-umlividity-by-esker
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-03-20 18:33
I do have to say, once again
I really do not like the way you are fucking around with your titles. To me they are so artificial, the antithesis of the authentic imagery and meaning of your poetry.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Thu, 2014-03-20 20:14
then they are a sucess!
thank you!