Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Heatwave

It is back with a vengeance,
chasing away the cold wind,
The heat testing our patience
from the morn' till the evening

A season filled with frustration,
squeezing the last drop of sweat...
Mortals succumb to emotions,
tempers flared as hearts bled

Brazen fingers stripped Angsana
baring her limbs in lust
bruising too the fledgling birds
nestled in her cozy lush

The purple orchids wilted in silence,
the gardens sharing its grief
their lackluster colours buckling further
as the temperature increased

The earth suffered a great thirst,
yet to be quenched in time.
Everyone hope it won't get worst,
that the rain will soon arrive

But the dry season continues
and the water level decreased,
leaving the elders and youths,
feeling lethargic and weak

Is this the wraith of God
or the whims of Mother Nature?
Who can tell?
Who can be sure?

Everyone is praying
and waiting for its end
and when it finally did
we hoped it won't return again

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

To spruce up the poem and to add a punch you may think of using some words such as sucumb, sweltering, thirst, wilt, buckling

[mother] nature

branches of trees [replace trees with some tree name]

the concluding stanza appears incomplete

consider them as just my thoughts

raj (sublime_ocean)

The updated version reads much better. If you won't mind I would urge to tweak it further using similis, e.g.

Branches of Angsana stripped bare
as their leaves fell prematurely,

Brazen fingers stripped Angsana
baring her limbs in lust
bruising too the fledgling birds
nestled in her cozy lush

How about "Summer Punch" for a title? Just a thought for your perusal

raj (sublime_ocean)

after some thinking, I decided to entitled it "The Dry Season" summer can be a time of joy but what i am really describing is the hot weather that is really a burden in my country.Fortunately, the weather seems to be getting better her recently...

Alid

author comment

I appreciate your reasoning. However there being no season called "dry" you may need to look out for a title without "Season". in it..something like a Heatwave

raj (sublime_ocean)

heatwave it is.

Alid

author comment

The whims of nature has it
how could you think that any God
would be so cruel.
Not a God creature am I but know that the changes we are seeing are natural.
Maybe nature in it's wisdom knows that most of the houses are built near the sea.
Now Nature is going to raise the sea level a few feet and smote us with evil winds or it may just burn us to a cinder.
We have a choice move inland and be baked or stay by the coast and be drowned LOL.
Good write just a few things to tidy up best read it aloud to someone and then they and you will hear the problems.
Take care wish I was there in Siger,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I never think that God is cruel, In spite of what has happened, He has His reasons. You see, Ian, no matter how hard life can be, its nothing compared to the punishments in Hell. Maybe this is considered a gentle reminder for the sinners and a test to the faithful to elevate their status among His creations.He DID say in the Koran that He will test us, after all. What you say is also right in a sense that it open up the minds of people who stay near the sea.

Alid

author comment

That your perception of a God keeps you walking in the light will be your reward later as you will have a pure Spirit and assume a higher level in where ever we go.
Take care and you are up late ??
Night young traveller, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

looking after mum.its my turn tonight.

Alid

author comment

I will ask one of my friends to come sit with her.
It is so good to hear that you are looking after her.
There are no turns when it comes to looking after a Mother it just is.
Learn to love this time of being close to her and know that she knows all that you are in your giving,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks.

Alid

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.