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Silver Beast

Silver Beast

I ride the wind
on my silver beast,
riding high on a paved retreat.

They say I’m not worthy
of such a treat
but I smile and wink
as I kick the beast.

The beast and I
have rode long and hard.
We know we are worthy
as we fly on by.

We fly so high
we can look down and see
those who smirked
were wanna-be’s.

A simple grin
and a wave goodbye
off again and away I fly.

By: Sharon Jones

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this poem for my brother who had a silver Harley. Sadly he has passed away from cancer.
Editing stage: 

Comments

follow the link.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/silver-beast-by-sharon-jones

This is a deceptively serious poem, even without the "last few words"

It speaks of freedom and is well crafted. The use of enjambment between stanzas is a risky technique that you carry off well.

I am sorry for your brother's passing yet I feel that you have given a joyous tribute.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It worked! Thanks for reading it. It's an honor!

author comment

there's a vivid imagery of freedom in this poem.good job!

Alid

Thank you very much for the comment!

author comment
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