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Ruler of the Sky

Submitted by redbaronj on Fri, 2014-02-21 12:56

Ruler of the Sky

Majestic ruler of the sky
flying high above the trees.
Looking for a meal
to feed her hungry brood.
Too many mouths to feed.

Awake oh little creatures
to the terror of the sky.
She hunts for you
to feed her young.
All run for the trees.

Safety in them
for she needs the room
for the mighty span of her wings.

Her talons come forth
as she spots her prey…
too late for the trees.

By: Sharon Jones

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Poem about an eagle and it's prey.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

BettyBuff

Sat, 2014-02-22 03:00

BettyBuff's picture

Hi,

Have you read Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem 'The Eagle'?...It starts with 'He clasps the crags with crooked claws'...and in the very first sentence he hooks with poetic devices....alliteration, assonance and imagery.

I liked your line 'majestic ruler of the sky'...a little cliched, but you could of carried the imagery through the rest of the piece. It fell a little flat and 'domestic' for me. If it was written as the eagle itself...all powerful aerodynamics and telescopic eyesight, it would give this poem much more impact.

Just my opinion at the end of the day...it did remind me so much of Tennyson's work.

Ellie

redbaronj

Sat, 2014-02-22 12:49

redbaronj's picture

No I haven't read Tennyson's work. Maybe I should. I just saw an eagle flying overhead and the poem came to me. Thanks for your opinion!

author comment

emeka ozurumba

Sat, 2014-02-22 04:41

emeka ozurumba's picture

when you start by saying 'ruler of the sky' there are many images in mind, i even thought it could be about the almighty God, but your simplification was timely and very poetic

redbaronj

Sat, 2014-02-22 12:46

redbaronj's picture

Thank you for your comments!

author comment
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